Woman Posts Boyfriend Request on GitHub, Requires Access to His Server
betabeat.com> "Someone who can tolerate social gaming companies like Zynga..."
Welp, most of us on HN are out of the running! ;)
But in all seriousness, am I the only one that thinks this is just ridiculous? It would have been funny and one thing had it been a joke, but this just seems crazy to me. Maybe it's because I'm only 23 and I'm not that "desperate". Or maybe it's cause I'm very social and rarely have troubles finding dates or new people to meet, but I just can't imagine ever trying to get an actual date or make a real connection with someone from an absurd list of demands/requirements like this.
Plus, using github in this way just annoys me a bit. There are plenty of free dating sites out there (Okcupid, for example) where you could find mates that meet your "needs" or are compatible with you. Using github like this (again, if it was a joke, that would be one thing) just screams "I'm desperate" or "I want attention for using github to find a date." Github has drink-ups and meet-ups if you want to meet other people on there or similar to you, as well!
> Maybe it's because I'm only 23 and I'm not that "desperate".
It's because you're not a single Japanese woman living in Japan who's in her 30s. She's likely facing enormous pressure from her family and friends to get married.
In Japan, women's marriageability is often compared to Christmas cake - expired after 25.
For people who prefert a visual illustration:
http://www.conniewonnie.com/2012/09/single-girl-asian-daught...
The social pressure does exist, but the Christmas cake thing died down with the Showa era. Nowadays the average wedding age is closer to 30 than to 25.
Her parents probably don't know that.
I will admit that I'm not super familiar with the Japanese culture. If that was the case, that would make sense. However, if that was also the case, don't you think she would be less strict on the requirements of finding a mate?
It's possible that one doesn't want to be married, and that the impossible standards (which would appear quite reasonable to the conservative/traditional parent) is a neat way to say "see mom, no one fits this very reasonable bill, so lay off!"
Disclaimer: I have Asian parents.
The reaction to this is a bit interesting.. There's some understanding, some judgement, some cultural explanations, but nobody seems to be asking whether the fundamental question here. With the web doing all it does today, why is it that it still sucks at making people meet one another? Actually just made that a ask hn if you think this warrants a bit of introspection. http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4688533
We all have a list of demands/requirements (eg: non-smoker, likes dogs, will put up with my !@#$).
Not all people are as blunt about it as this women.
What's always funny about these lists is that they are only based on your previous experience and are not necessarily real predictors of future success.
If anything a good catch is someone who you want to be with despite the fact they don't score well on your list of requirements.
I've always thought OK Cupid had one of the more interesting matching algorithms because they ask the users questions to get an idea of them, and let people rank how important a match on specific questions are to them. eg: religion (or lack of) are very important to some people, and not as much to others.
> "If anything a good catch is someone who you want to be with despite the fact they don't score well on your list of requirements."
I couldn't agree more. In any form, finding someone via a list of demands/requirements is such a close minded approach to finding someone to be happy with.
"If anything a good catch is someone who you want to be with despite the fact they don't score well on your list of requirements."
Right on. I read about a social experiment (I think it was "Blink" or similar book) where before going on speed dating sessions people filled out a questionnaire prioritizing the requirements that they wanted in their ideal mate. After speed dating they ranked their dates and itemized their features.
It turns out that there was no correlation between what the subjects wanted or thought they want a priori and the features of the people they liked the most. When asked about this they just rationalized matching the contradictory data (they adjusted the people they liked to the old values or adapted the values to the people they liked, don't remember).
> What's always funny about these lists is that they are only based on your previous experience and are not necessarily real predictors of future success.
Probably the same reason and the same problems as with the stereotypical bullet-point-list job requirements.
For the record, she never mentions Zynga, only Gree and Mobage. The translator must have inserted Zynga since Gree and Mobage aren't very well known outside Japan. Also, later she mentions she works for one such company.
Gree and Mobage aren't much better when it comes to not being sleazy. The whole kompu gacha ban was because they were essentially enticing children to gamble.
Ahh, okay. I was just going off the article information, I didn't realize that was just an "off base" translation.
Better translation somewhere in the comments of previous HN submission:
> Maybe it's because I'm only 23 and I'm not that "desperate".
I'm 25 and I find this cute. That's assuming, of course, that the funny list of 'requirements' is mostly to spark discussion rather than actually weeding out people by following them to the letter.
"Sorry, you only meet 26 of the points, and that's counting your dubious credentials for the Peter Drucket one." -- Hopefully not. "Hey, that project X from your Github is pretty neat. Did you consider using technology Y for Z in it?" -- Maybe.
At 23 you meet new people all the time. A decade later you barely ever do (in my experience), so you have to make an actual effort to meet people, especially to date them.
I don't know a lot about Japanese culture but here in the UK the 'jumping into bed with everyone just to see what works' phase seems to be over by her age (30). Or maybe it's just me...
Weird. My impression is the opposite. In youth, you have time to go slow, but as you get older and busier, you jump into bed to see what works without wasting any time.
Why would you go slow when you're a youth? You've got hormones and energy the likes of which you'll never see again!
I find it ridiculous too and I am over 30. Maybe this is just some kind of joke or social experiment. Demanding things that are on the list from a partner or a friend really sounds absurd. But everyone is free to make their own lists and publish them wherever they see fit. In my previous job, I actually saw people chatting via Perforce change-lists :-).
For people who like this sort of thing, this is exactly the sort of thing that they'll like.
If it works for her, great. Fabulous. Fantastic.
Everyone's life is their own.
The problem with OKCupid is that most of the profiles are absolutely dire, poorly written with bad photos.
There's also the problem of women getting hundreds of messages so even well written ones will rarely get a response. Not to mention people setting up fake profiles etc.
It's not that unusual in my experience for people who "met online" to have met through forums etc based on a mutual interest rather than a dedicated dating website.
Using github for it seems brilliant because she probably sees herself ending up with someone who is on github. If github is where a lot of your potential mates are, of course go there!
Imagine posting that requirement about writing beautiful code on a dating site-- how very few bachelors would even know what means
Wow, that's quite a list of demands.
Is this a more common thing with Japanese women, do they go into dating with a very specific set of criteria rather than "winging it" as western women would?
"Someone who plays at most only 1 hour of videogames a day, or at most only 30 minutes of TV."
Most good TV shows are at least an hour long per episode, I assume you have to split them over 2 days.
> "do they go into dating with a very specific set of criteria rather than "winging it" as western women would?"
I find many western women are quite specific also, and men too. Treating potential mates as a checklist instead of unique individuals seems to be a global problem.
That is true, perhaps it is more an issue of how it is articulated.
When I look at female profiles on dating websites, I see western women say vague things like "I want a caring guy with a good sense of humour who knows how to treat a lady".
Whereas from asian women I see things more like "Between ages X and Y , minimum salary Z , must enjoy A, B and C".
I'm sure some western women have similar requirements but perhaps it is just more taboo to articulate them.
Some of the stuff on here seems very specific though, but I guess some of it must be somewhat tongue in cheek.
Ah yes, it really is a difference in articulation. I also don't see westerners expressing their "requirements" quite so bluntly, though from private conversations these lists certainly do exist, and are every bit as ridiculous.
I don't think it's a global problem; it's just asocial people who have little to none social/romantic experience, so they imagine their romantic life rather than living it.
It's not a real problem, those lists go out the window before the first drink is gone. Hers is actually quite good -- friends from school, own server, Drucker... they're usually much dumber than that (the lists, that is).
When she says 1 hour of video games or at most only 30 minutes of TV, I'm sure she means on average. So 7 hr video games a week or 3.5 hr of TV a week.
I interpreted it as "someone who doesn't ignore me".
Rather ironic point given that she works at a game company.
White women make up such lists of demands too, I have read several. It is sort of funny and sort of self-directed/self-indulgent. If you don't like it, then obviously you should not apply for the position ;)
That TV show demand doesn't make sense (what if you want to watch a game?)
Also, would it have made to betabeat if it was posted by a guy, instead of a girl?
First time I saw this, I actually thought this was a repost of the gay guy on github who had a list of requirements for a boyfriend so I didn't read it.
Normally women keep this sort of list as a secret hidden agenda which we're meant to guess. Nice to see some transparency. ;-)
Another positive for open source I'd say!
I cant explain why, but this strikes me as quite sad. Not her, really. But the guys that go after her. From the list and her demands I cant imagine a relationship with her would be a happy one. But that is just my opinion tho. (Out of curiosity I counted quickly the requirements I would fulfill : 25, and all her bonus requirements except the access to the server bit. That just screams "paranoid" to me. Why would that be a requirement for a relationship?
Most of us have demands for a partner, even if you aren't consciously aware of them. Perhaps not this specific, but who knows? Try writing down the qualities of what your "perfect" mate would be and see what you end up with.
Of course, it's a completely different thing to do that as an exercise for yourself compared to actually publishing it on a social developer site, but to each their own I guess.
When I sit down and write out a list of qualities I want in my perfect mate I find that I rarely deal in absolutes. And the absolutes are more of the negative kind like I wouldnt want my new spouse to be doing drugs or anything like that. I think the appropriate way is to apply fuzzy logic to the good attributes and average it out.
The thought that just because the mate watches an hour of tv a day instead of the required half hour she would never be interested is horrible to me. This kind of thinking would reduce the act of dating down to just meeting up for five minutes, filling out questionaires and comparing them.
>This kind of thinking would reduce the act of dating down to just meeting up for five minutes, filling out questionaires and comparing them.
Isn't that the entire idea behind OkCupid? That seems quite successful.
Pretentious. Controlling. Possibly obsessive compulsive.
Anal retentive came to my mind.
Kids, vegetables, no tv and 'social gaming' ? Yeesh.
No sudo for you on Ammonite I'm afraid...
Reminds me of the Application to be my Boyfriend from Best of Craigslist (2009)
Curious: Did you find a boyfriend in the meantime?
I suspect that Andy found it through the aforementioned "Best of Craigslist" and was not the woman looking for a boyfriend.
"I don't discriminate based on looks."
It's always hilarious when women say this, are you saying that somebody with severe disfigurations and scars or someone is morbidly obese would not affect the decision at all?
Obesity isn't a look, it is a lifestyle-impacting condition.
Previous discussion on HN: http://hackerne.ws/item?id=4629969
For such an incredibly long list of demands... her GitHub profile only listed 4 projects. Very disappointing :p
> Someone who will let me help them maintain their own server (Required)
Twitch.
Nobody touches my shell scripts!
Account norinori2222 on github has no public projects (except for test repos), no commits to any public projects, what is this, a joke?!
I'm pretty sure this is sarcasm. Late 30s, undisclosed weight ("? I'd like to lose some") and a wall of demands.