Ask HN: Anyone else pretend to get a phone call to escape awkward moments?
I’ve noticed that whenever I’m in uncomfortable social situations (like standing alone at a café, or stuck in small talk I don’t want), I instinctively reach for my phone and pretend I’m on a call.
It started as a way to avoid eye contact, but now it’s almost my go-to “defense mechanism.”
Sometimes I even wish my phone would actually ring at those moments, so I’d have a natural excuse to step away.
Does anyone else do this? Is this just a “me thing,” or a common social anxiety coping habit?
I’m curious how others manage these awkward situations—do you use tricks like this, or something else that helps? Closest I've come is being in some interminable meeting with the boss. Just too long. In the age of dinosaurs, we had only desk phones, so I would hold a sheet of paper behind my back saying "Call Me". And there are lots of fake call apps, or you could even put up a home screen with a fake call photo of someone notorious. Unfortunately, notoriety these days is not for good reasons. That said, please build up some self-confidence, and have some really good reasons to break out of chit-chat, like "I'm late for a zoom meeting" or "Shit, I left my keys in the car". People say, rightly so, that "it's not about you". In my fly-tying days, I'd feel weird about going to a sewing store. Heck, they had all kinds of yarn, burlap and scissors ideal for fly-tying. I got over the feeling, because "nobody really cares". Besides, a little notebook or block of postit-notes looks smart. "I have to write down this idea before it goes away forever" and that's so often the truth. Building self-confidence (or just a don't give a shit attitude) prevents the social anxiety, so you don't have to solve it. That’s a great point — confidence definitely helps in the long term, and I agree that “nobody really cares” is often the truth. But in the moment, it’s interesting how many of us still reach for a hack (post-it notes, fake calls, excuses).
What I’m curious about is whether a tool that makes those “outs” easier/less awkward could actually reduce stress for people who struggle in the moment. Almost like training wheels for confidence.
Your story about holding up a “Call Me” note actually makes me think this instinct has always been there — we’re just modernizing it. My daughter has a psychology degree, and always recommends a therapist. So I won't speculate on how to gain self-confidence, or the value of gadgets to help in the near term. It does take time. The office gag wasn't social. It was just fatigue. I guess there always were and will be situations where we need an exit. FWIW, I am retired and living alone in the boondocks, and have too few interactions, so consider the value of just being in the people world. I plan to move, to be closer to family and friends. Most are over 50 miles away. I might run into one of those hasty exits. Right now, my excuse would be "I have a long drive (I do) and want to get home before dark" Of course, I've had many years to make excuses, most of which were/are valid. Oops, I've got to go to the pharmacy/hardware store before it closes! Good luck. I wish I were creative enough to hold a natural conversation with an imaginary caller for more than 15 seconds, without feeling more awkward than I did in the actual situation I was trying to escape. you couldn't bother writing one sentence of your pitch yourself? Not a pitch, but genuinely asking.