Not feeling like I belong anywhere

Hey Dostoynikov,

theres no real answer here, but I will share with you some solidarity.

It can be comforting to believe that moving around a lot is a source of your loneliness and lack of belonging, I am here to tell you that unfortunately you can have that feeling even if you stay in one city as I did.

What I have found has worked for me is finding external groups that transcend physical proximity. In the early 00’s I joined an IRC net and throughout my teens and 20’s it was, at times, my only support.

It got me through multiple country moves and friend group resets.

However, one thing that is your superpower now: you have had the means to reinvent yourself and wipe your slate clean many times over. You might find that you don't feel that you belong anywhere but you fit in most places, and thats a very important first step into feeling belonging.

This really resonates with me. I have never stayed in the same place for more than 3 years my entire life and also haven’t been able to form any long term friendships.

With all the moving, I’ve pretty much lost my ability to care for people. The scariest part was realizing I no longer felt any sense of family after being made to stay with strangers for 2 years between age 10-12.

I still don’t know how to cope, or perhaps have no need to cope. I know something is wrong with me but feel no need to fix it.

You get conscious about plugging into or creating community, and you don’t wait around for it to happen. That’s a skill that can be developed. You pay attention to how things are done differently, take notes, and try to be ready to incorporate the best of all worlds.

And hopefully you learn to appreciate all the incredible advantages to be had in staying somewhere longer. At least that’s how I feel, moving between 7 different cities in the last 10 years.

On a rock flying through space in a solar system flying around a black hole that is moving towards some other larger part of space - what is belonging?

"belonging", to me, is a human phenomenon that doesn't need much. We want to have our human experience shared, for our existence to be validated. It's so tied to nature that people have bars they frequent as they drown in alcoholism.

The interesting part about it is that many feel this way, especially in a modern world that is at odds with the old one. How can so many be disconnected yet wanting to connect?

I have found that all of society is based on the premise of building it when it didn't exist yet. Just the same we can create our belonging, and that's the scary part.

It's easy: I don't