Ask HN: Nightmares about Missing Work
i ve been working remotely some quite some time and i keep having a dream where i miss my standup meeting on a daily basis and i always come up with the funniest excuses.
anyone else having these kind of dreams. Similar nightmares used to haunt me, but they were about school. Instead of showing up without pants, I showed up without knowing the subject at all.. I'd sit there intently trying to make sense of what we were doing.. I could barely identify "oh, this is math, fuck.. I've not done my homework.. the past 4 grades.." and of course it ends with me getting asked some question and waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. To be fair.. I never did any homework and sucked hard at math because of it.. so the nightmares probably just reflected my waking life. Could it be that you actually do feel like you're slacking off too much at home? Are you actually? When covid hit, I was the first to work from home, I thought it'd be amazing but I never got the hang of it.. I'd tried once previously as a fully-remote, I had to leave that job because I couldn't do it.. So when restrictions were lifted, I was right back at office and never looked back. I still have nightmares that I remember about a require class that I've been neglecting, and like you, I don't know enough to get the required grade. And, to make matters worse, if I don't pass this class this semester, I will not finish my degree, and my job offer will be revoked, etc etc. My graduating year was very stressful. First grad student in the family, new relationship, finishing thesis and final publications, a math result that fell apart leaving one publication in danger, job hunting, tech interviews, and negotiations, cross-country move (compounding relationship). I didn't realize how stressful until I got the benefit of hindsight. I'm also sure I"ll have nightmares about this time right now: Sick babies, haven't caught up from their newborn days, new high stress job, cross country move (again), house hunting while stuck in a rental, uncertain income (due to uncertain RSU vesting due to stressful job and all this time with sick kiddos slowing me down). Come to think of it, where's the support group for these kind of white-collar, good-to-have kind of problems? I'm fairly confident this is one of the major contributors to generational success: You can look to your parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles , etc and get a data point that everything will be OK, everyone struggles with their thesis, etc and get meaningful advice and genuine support because the people around you have been there. Goes to show how formative those years are/were. If this isn’t PTSD, I don’t know what is. Might as well have flashbacks about Vietnam. I’d imagine todays kids will one day have nightmares about their Insta pics being ugly, or their social media identities being tarnished. They start this stuff so young, so I really think there is no way their mind isn’t going to be warped. The war never ends I guess. That's funny, I've been haunted by nightmares about school as well. I sometimes dream that I get perfect grades in all my classes but then there is this one subject I totally forgot about. I did not go to any classes. I did not take any exams. I did not do any homework. And it completely ruins my transcript and chances for college. I’ve had this exact same recurring dream — it’s the end of the semester and I notice for the first time that there’s a class on my schedule I totally forgot about and haven’t attended once. I wonder what that’s all about. > I showed up without knowing the subject at all This is so interesting I had the same feeling and now as an adult it seems so strange, school was supposed to be about learning not testing what you already knew so why was I worried about it? Strange Wow, I haven’t been in school for almost 15 years, but a nightmare that I still routinely have a few times a year involves me being back in my college days and being asked to repeat all my exams (total of 60+). It’s horrible, because in the dream I am aware of how “comfy” my life is today so going back makes it even more painful. Every time I wake up in a sweat. I graduated in computer engineering from a prestigious European institution, summa cum laude in both my bachelor and master, but boy it took a huge toll on me. Nothing I have done in my professional life ever came close to the level of stress I used to experience in college. It must vary from person to person, because I know a few acquaintances who were in my classes who say it was a period in their life they cherish and wish they could relive. Yikes, I’ll happily stay here with my 6-figure job moving protobufs. I loved school in that I loved the learning. I hated the tests, and still occasionally have nightmares of coming to class and being punted with a midterm I had forgotten all about. Funny story. I always had nightmares when attending college that I am given an exam for which I a completely not prepared for. Well, one day I get to class, the professor goes "clear up your desks".......my heart sinks as I mostly was an 'A' student and really cared about my grades. I take the test, I don't remember any of this stuff as I missed some days due to illness. I completely flop the test. When giving it back to my professor, I straight up told him....hey so this is pretty embarrassing, I completely forgot we are taking this test, I was completely unprepared. I told him it felt like nightmares I had, and felt surreal. He had a pretty good laugh and told me, that if it affects my final grade in a significant way he will allow me to take another test. I did get an A in the course and that test was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. No. Instead, several times a week, I contemplate how the decision of switching to a fully remote job with flexible hours and no stand-ups, allowing me to work at friends or other places if I want, without any unnecessary stress of missing or having to attend the early daily Mass, is working so great for me. As a result by the way, I'm way more available for my colleagues during the day, almost counter-intuitively if you don't think too much about it. This company got it so right. Good luck, I hope you will find a way to get rid of your nightmares to at least have one less stressful ceremony to attend each day. Maybe push for abandoning stand-ups in your team or find a way to leave for greener pastures. Please do share your funny excuses you come up with. People usually have this kinds of nightmares about school, i.e. the most BS environment they experience in their life. The fact that you have it about your job is telling a lot about that job. My old phone used to die randomly and I missed my alarm few times. Since then I have similar nightmares/anxiety regarding alarms. I even used to set two alarms with difference of 5 - 10 mins as a backup. I don't do that anymore but still occasionally check my phones multiple times on bed just to check if the alarm is set correctly. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night and instinctively check my phone to see if I've missed my alarm. Never about work, always about school. All the bad memories around pressure / expectations as an immigrant kid comes back and still haunts me to this day. I used to a lot until I got a job where they don't clockwatch you. There is a possibility this could be ADD.