Ask HN: How to Combat Imposter Syndrome?
Hi HN!
In recent years I’ve grown weary of working for large companies and have longingly looked at taking up either bigger roles in smaller firms or launching something myself.
I am, however, burdened with imposter syndrome and seemingly always tending towards IC roles where I can hide away.
I have technical knowledge. I’m a seller. I’ve digested plenty of books on the intersection between business, innovation, technology, and organisational psychology. I have recruiters calling me daily. And I’ve worked with some of the biggest companies on the planet but I cannot overcome the feeling that I shouldn’t be there.
When I’ve tried to push myself above the parapet in more personal-centric pursuits (e.g. posting to social media to develop my presence, or launching internal campaigns) I feel physically sick and often succumb to feelings of anxiety where I’ll either stop working on something or sabotage it. At current I find this is limiting my progress and my ambition of taking on positions of leadership.
So, HN, my question more specifically is - how do you combat imposter syndrome, and are there any techniques that you’ve used to reduce it’s impact? 1) doubting yourself is what pushes you to learn new stuff, leave room for others to express and learn from them. I've had a fairly rapidly progressing career and I attribute a large part to that. Don't lose it. 2) at some point you start realizing that you are not the imposter, everyone is mediocre and just ignores it. You have been blessed with not being oblivious with your shortcomings, and even if you are doubting things you should not, even if it might seem like a curse, you're an improving human thanks to that. 3) when I freak out about whether I'm doing my job, at some point I usually realize that I am freaking out about whether I'm doing my job. When this happens, I tell myself: stop freaking out about whether you're doing your job and just do your f-ing job. It seems like you are very conscious about that so this might help 3.b) this is one of "the four agreements" which might help you: "always do your best". If you did your best, by definition there is nothing more you could have done. And therefore, no grudge you can hold unto yourself. After all, you did your best! What more can someone ask? 4) people are way, way more tolerant to failure than we give them credit for. I have been with companies that have very high standards and even there, screwing up is accepted as a fact of life as long as you learn from it. Just assume you're allowed to fail, with the current market, worst case scenario this will help you get another job in a better company 5) saw a tweet the other day of someone who changed their perspective from "I'm an imposter" to "of course I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm the freaking best con artist there is! I'm just faking all of it and no one has any idea,I'm so good at it!". Maybe that helps, at least it made me laugh. This logical breakdown is super useful for me. Thank you. Some further comment: Point 1/2 - self-doubt = recognition of scope to improve - I like that. That resonates a lot with me. Point 3/3b - This is a feedback loop that I can see working. My ill-thought often comes from not nipping in the bud issues of self-doubt. Point 5 - saw this too. Enjoyed it a lot! I think from this I see these actions:
- look up “the four agreements” - that’s new to me but a quick wiki says it’s something that I’ll probably enjoy
- make a flow chart, stick it above my desk starting with “are you having a wobble?” if “yes” then what do you want to add to your learning list for later - leading on to…
- curb rampant knowledge building in an attempt to avoid problems, and instead just do the job, find the problems, and then learn what you don’t know Imposter syndrome assumes that some other person knows exactly what they are doing at all times, and you do not, therefore you're not a fit for that environment. Nobody is like that. Even the most competent of people make mistakes, have doubts, change their mind, get anxious before presentations etc... If you are providing sufficient value in your context then great! Keep it up. If you're not sure then ask for concrete feedback on specific tasks occasionally. However, in my experience in tech education and management is that "Imposter Syndrome" is rooted deeply in the idea that other people have some mythical level of competency and lack of doubt which puts your capabilities into question. They do not, and you do not. If you can, start conducting job interviews. Being on the interviewing team for potential candidates will show you how qualified you actually are when you see people that somehow can't even FizzBuzz after 2+ years experience. My opinion about 'Imposter Syndrome' is that it is a 'rite of passage'. As a person develops and moves up the scale he reaches the level of 'expert'. However, the 'new expert' doesn't have the wealth of knowledge and/or experience that an 'old expert' has. That makes them feel unworthy of their position. As the 'new expert' gains more and more knowledge and experience, that 'Imposter Syndrome' will fade away. I would estimate that 99.999% of us have experienced 'Imposter Syndome' at some point in our lives. Also, the more you learn, the more you realize you don't know. It takes a lot of experience to realize how much of an idiot you really are. > When I’ve tried to push myself above the parapet in more personal-centric pursuits (e.g. posting to social media to develop my presence, or launching internal campaigns) I feel physically sick and often succumb to feelings of anxiety where I’ll either stop working on something or sabotage it. Is this related to the Imposter Syndrome? Perhaps, simply put, you just don't like posting on social media or launching internal campaigns? I don't like talking in public because I always think that what I have to say is of little importance, but I don't think that's "Imposter Syndrome", it's just that I don't like to talk in public. That feeling inadequate at times is a "syndrome" makes a normal human behavior into something pathological. There's nothing wrong with you. There's no mental illness here. It does raise the second question though: why are you pushing yourself to be something you seem to not enjoy at all? > I feel physically sick and often succumb to feelings of anxiety This sounds pretty miserable. Are you sure these are the right roles for you to target? Allot of great minds have sabotaged their own work. Best thing to do is keep moving forward from any road-block in life. Life won't stop for you, and you should not stop living in the process. Don't be an imposter The only cure is to do what I think needs to be done based on what people are asking for. Forget your assumptions about everything and go from empirical evidence. TLDR; Be objective Who are you to ask such a question ?!
sorry just kidding ;) I believe that the "imposter syndrome" is completely made up and there is no such thing. Do you put up a face to present to a certain audience? If yes, you're an imposter. There is no "syndrome", "disorder" or "chemical imbalance". You feel like an imposter because you know deep down that you are being one. Maybe you have to hype up your image to compete in the market because everyone else also does the same. That does not mean you are not an imposter. It just means everyone is. Do you feel like an imposter when you are with your dog or your child or a very close friend or relative? If no, you don't have "imposter syndrome". Just stop being an imposter and you will stop feeling like one. Not practical for you to do that? That's fine. Maybe you do need to put up a face to survive or thrive. Just embrace it. Ironically, the only comments I can think of to the points you’ve made are actual justifications for why one shouldn’t experience imposter syndrome in the first place. So, good work! >Do you feel like an imposter when you are with your dog or your child or a very close friend or relative? If no, you don't have "imposter syndrome". This though I think is not quite on point at least from my perspective as what I experience is only in career/work/job environments. But your point on everyone else does the same is pertinent. > why one shouldn’t experience imposter syndrome in the first place So you're saying that people who are imposters shouldn't feel like imposters? What if they are told that they need to present themselves as someone different from what they actually are to get ahead? To do that, they have to try to "believe in themselves" i.e. believe the lies they tell themselves... while also knowing deep down that they are lying to themselves. You can't hide from yourself... you can try in the short term but it will bite you back in the long run. > I experience is only in career/work/job environments Not quite sure what you mean... Do you mean you only experience it in career/work/job environments? Maybe because that's where you have lied to yourself and others. Re-read that part of my comment you have quoted. I think you misunderstood it. What I'm saying is, if you don't feel the "imposter syndrome" when you are in front of your dog, you don't have "imposter syndrome". You didn't have to impress your dog by being someone else... therefore you don't feel like an imposter in front of your dog... but you do in front of your client or your boss... because you have presented a different version of yourself that you have crafted for your benefit. That version of you is not you and therefore you correctly feel like an imposter.
... I would personally add that soooooo many people in leadership positions are just making it up as they go. Especially at mid to lower level leadership/management roles. A company with a great product can literally have the worst management/ leadership possible and still be fine, so don't feel like you have to have the world on your shoulders. Good leaders work to define what needs to get done, and enable their people to be able to accomplish these goals. So just go for it! - evaluate yourself against an objective rubric => medium has one (here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1EO-Dbsayn8Nz9Ii3MKcwRbt-EIJ2MjQdpoyhh0tBdZk/edit#gid=2049640133), but you can build your own and get feedback
- list out your accomplishments, things you've done that you take pride in. compare these skills/accomplishments against what a qualified candidate for that role would have have
- Ask your former employers or managers about your strengths and how they would level you
- Read the army doctrine of leadership. Understand how leadership works in large organizations, understand what poor, good, and great performance is.