What if loneliness and self-doubt are the best way to grow?
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Some people spend a lot of energy trying not to feel out of place. You learn the rules, blend in, and aim to belong. But what if resisting that uncomfortable feeling is a mistake?
In 2022, Arthur C. Brooks argued that being an outsider—new to a place, a job, a culture, or even a group of people—is not a flaw but an investment. The loneliness, the self-doubt, the sense that everyone else has the map except you: Those are often signs that you’re stretching, not failing. Over time, Brooks writes, outsiders tend to grow more resilient and emotionally strong—not in spite of the discomfort, but because of it.
Outsiders, Olga Khazan wrote in 2020, are freer to question assumptions, break rules, and imagine alternatives, because they’ve already learned what it feels like to stand apart. She draws on social-science research showing that people who feel excluded are often better at original thinking, precisely because they’re less bound by group norms. Today’s newsletter explores how to embrace being an outsider, and how to resist the urge to immediately fit in.
On Being an Outsider
Find More Ways to Be an Outsider
By Arthur C. Brooks
Doing so may feel painful, but it’s one of the best investments you will ever make. (From 2022)
The Perks of Being a Weirdo
By Olga Khazan
How not fitting in can lead to creative thinking (From 2020)
Would You Be Happier With a Different Personality?
By Scott Barry Kaufman
Psychologists suggest there’s a sweet spot between accepting who you are and striving for who you want to be.
Still Curious?
- What immigrants know about happiness: The act of migration involves taking risks in pursuit of a meaningful reward and having faith in the future. Everyone should try to live more like that, Arthur C. Brooks argued in 2021.
- “I gave myself three months to change my personality”: “I’ve never really liked my personality, and other people don’t like it either,” Olga Khazan wrote in 2022.
Other Diversions
PS
My colleague Isabel Fattal recently asked readers to share a photo of something that sparks their sense of awe in the world. “What fills me with awe? The last summer flowers holding on, even as the snow caps them with white,” Howard M., 73, in Washington, D.C., writes.
We will continue to feature your responses in the coming weeks.
— Rafaela