A £9.6bn wedge is being driven between young self-starters and their family-backed buyers
Homeownership never used to divide society – and friend groups – in the way it does now.
Where buying your first home was once a rite of passage open to the vast majority of young people, now the line between the haves and the have-nots has been writ large, especially in London, as the cost of a first step on the housing ladder has continued to outpace most people’s incomes.
It is not unusual to require a six-figure deposit for properties in the capital; even for one-bedroom starter homes, aspiring homeowners must cobble together tens of thousands of pounds. With the average worker aged between 30 and 39 earning just £40,000, according to government figures, and rents and living costs continuing to climb, that can be a tall order – unless, of course, your parents give you a hand.
Almost two thirds of first-time buyers benefit from parental help, with an average gift of more than £58,000 towards a first home, according to Zoopla.
For aspiring homeowners without such financial support, the picture is fairly stark. Building up a deposit means either choosing a lucrative line of work, picking up a side hustle or second job, or resigning themselves to renting into their late-30s or even early-40s.
But toiling to save a deposit grates a little more when your friends suddenly, and sometimes without explanation, become the owners of a shiny new two-bedroom flat or terraced house.
“One day you’re all in the same boat, rationing food in the last week of the month, sharing Netflix accounts, living off Tesco meal deals and complaining about landlords hiking the rent again. And then out of nowhere, someone’s announcing they’ve put down a deposit on a two-bed in Clapham – courtesy of the Bank of Mum and Dad,” writes one user on social media platform Reddit.
“And suddenly, there’s this unspoken shift. No one says it outright, but there’s a weird tension, a quiet resentment that creeps in, not necessarily because you begrudge their new home, but because it highlights something deeper: the invisible hand of privilege.
“Like, you work just as hard, maybe harder, you’ve done everything ‘right’, but the brutal maths of London property prices means you’re still stuck figuring out how to afford Zone 3 rent, while they’re picking out furniture for their new dream flat.”
They’re certainly not the only ones to feel this way.
Dealt a better hand
Toby*, 25, from Sussex, is saving up to buy his own home. Unlike some of his friends, who are already snapping up properties, he won’t have any help from his parents.
He says: “I do not have any financial support from my family – they were relatively poor with their financial decision-making when I was growing up.
“You have situations in friendship groups where half have the financial support [to buy property] and are able to move on with their lives, while you’re left behind... there’s a tendency towards animosity. But in this day and age, there has to be an element of personal responsibility.”
Beleaguered young people set to remain at the mercy of the rental market for the foreseeable future are quick to point out that their main source of frustration isn’t life simply being unfair, but that many of those who benefit from the Bank of Mum and Dad (Bomad) are oblivious to their friends’ trials and tribulations, failing to acknowledge the better hand they’ve been dealt.
Harriet*, 36, who works in PR, is currently renting; she wants to buy her own flat, but is finding saving for a deposit an uphill battle with no parental help. Her friends, one by one, are settling down in homes of their own.
“There is an ignorance that comes with being able to afford a deposit [thanks to your parents] and taking it for granted. People can make quite tactless comments, saying that if you didn’t do this or that, you’d be able to save up for a deposit. But you can’t save £40,000 with a simple lifestyle change,” she says.
Ellie*, 34, from west London, has encountered a similar situation, where a friend suddenly purchased an abnormally large house with her partner.
“She has never disclosed how they were able to afford the house, and when I visited, she complained about how the whole house is never tidy at the same time because it’s so big. As somebody who will receive a bit of help but is trying to save for a deposit, the unawareness is a bit jarring.”
The lack of honesty around parental gifts can be the crux of the problem, adds Toby. “If somebody gives you £50,000, and you purchase a property and proclaim to your friends and colleagues that you’ve been able to get on the ladder, that’s great. But if you’re behaving like it’s all self-generated, you’re kind of masking the truth, and perhaps projecting a false reality to people, which is dangerous. An element of transparency is important.
“If they were open about how they accumulated the wealth to get there, it would probably make their peers feel more at ease. The anxiety that people are progressing while you’re not can be quelled with a bit of honesty... if you’re transparent, people will be more receptive and supportive of your feat.”
Toby is quick to point out that your friends aren’t stupid, and opting not to disclose familial financial support following a house purchase does little to hide the truth.
“You can spot them, normally – you know what they do, and have an idea of how much they earn. You’d expect to see a journey to getting a lot of money... the narrative often just doesn’t add up.”
Growing gap in living standards
Gifts and loans from the Bank of Mum and Dad totalled £9.6bn in 2024, according to the latest analysis from property firm Savills. As the gap widens between those who enjoy the stability of homeownership and those who continue to be exposed to the brutal rental market – which has seen costs soar 21pc over the last three years, according to Zoopla data – so too does the gap in living standards.
“A lot of my friends are couples who have bought together, have had financial help from both sides, and have got decent properties that way,” says Harriet. “Quite a few friends bought quite young, so now they’ve either paid off their mortgages or their payments are lower.
“This makes their disposable income higher, which gives them more advantages over renters – rents are astronomical – so when they make expensive plans it can be frustrating.”
The playing field looks unlikely to be levelled any time soon. Toby has taken on side hustles alongside his full-time job, including trading equities, which he hopes will speed up the saving process.
“As the oldest of six, my hope of getting on the property ladder is solely reliant on myself and my ability to generate income,” he says. “I’m a big believer in the narrative that you have to do everything you can to maximise your income. But you can do that until the cows come home – if your friend gets £500,000 from their parents, the disparity is just too wide.”
*Names have been changed.