Random One-Liners
Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn’t have it any other way.
(1922 – 1991) American comedian
In basketball, the first person to touch the ball shoots it. Either that or the coach carefully diagrams a set play and then the first player to touch it shoots it.
owner of the Seattle SuperSonics
Just as long as the real thing and twice as noisy.
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.
(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Mr. Lawrence looked like a plaster gnome on a stone toadstool in some suburban garden… he looked as if he had just returned from spending an uncomfortable night in a very dark cave.
(1887 – 1964) English biographer, critic, novelist & poet
Men in high levels of government seldom surf.
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
The way defenses are operating these days, the other team starts picking you up when you walk out of the hotel lobby.
American college basketball coach
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
(1973 – ) American comedian
It’s innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn’t.
(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
You mean there aren’t enough people mad at me already?
(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor