Dame Stephanie was determined not to be defined by her traumatic childhood.
After starting out as a scientific civil servant, in 1962 she founded Freelance Programmers - later known as FI Group, later still Xansa - something which was almost unheard of for a woman to do in the 1960s.
She designed the company to provide jobs for women with children.
It changed the landscape for women working in technology by offering flexible working practices.
Of the first 300 staff, 297 were female.
The success of the company left Dame Stephanie with a fortune of about £150m, most of which she donated to good causes.
Her late son Giles was autistic and she was an early member of the National Autistic Society, with her charity the Shirley Foundation funding many projects particularly related to autism.
She founded Autism at Kingwood, a service which now supports autistic adults in Berkshire, Oxfordshire and Buckinghamshire.
She also helped set up Prior's Court - a school for autistic young people in Thatcham, Berkshire.
"Steve was an absolute legend, and an incredible friend and role model for me over the last 30 years," Professor Sue Black told the BBC.
"Before the likes of Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Shirley was innovating and solving problems with tech in the UK."
And Dame Wendy Hall, one of the world's leading computer scientists, said Dame Stephanie had been "inspirational".
"She was my mentor and my friend and she will be hugely missed," she said.
"She did so much for the computer science community to encourage women into that community, and of course, for the world of autism."
The last time I saw her, I introduced her at an event on stage. She was frail, but as always extremely glamorous and totally captivating.
She said she knew she was coming to the end of her life and she reflected candidly on what she felt she had learned.
She had a strong moral compass and believed in using her wealth for good. And she never stopped standing up to sexism.
She spent her whole life refusing to conform to society's many gender stereotypes and clichés.
Much time has passed since Dame Stephanie started signing letters as Steve in order to get the attention of the male business contacts she was messaging.
But Tech continues to be a male dominated industry and women still have to shout loud to be heard.
Steve was one of the first, and she shouted the loudest.
Additional reporting by Charlotte Edwards