Random Funny Quotes — Wordgag 🎅

71 shares on Slack this month:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

29 shares on YouTube this month:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,674

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

Making waves on Telegram:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Going viral on X:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Going viral on Slack:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Trending via Pinterest:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”