Last year we, as a family, made a drastic life change: after 10 years living in Canada, we packed up and moved to the United State. We debated this moved for a few years. Driven by a sense of adventure (and the desire to move away from the cold with our toddler). We realized that this itch was not going away. Instead of wondering for a few more years “what if”, we set things in motion. I was fortunate that my employer had the immigration muscle to make that happen. I just had to ask to be transferred to the US office.
Our move had a lot of moving parts. Looking back, I am surprised we were able to pull it off. We had a 1y old toddler at the time and a 2000 sq.ft house with furniture and gear we liked and that had been curated over. I’ll lay out our thought process, how we went about its logistics and how I emotionally processed the move.
We wanted to minimize moving around with our toddler, as each change of dwelling took a few days for our kid to adapt. We also decide to bring our wordly belongings with us: our bed, office setup, surf and ski equipment. Selling them and having to re-purchase the good things we had would likely take similar or more time than moving everything.
Given our requirements, we orchestrade the move:
- Finding a new home in the US and signing a lease: this became our moving date, so we would arrive directly to the place we would live
- Packing and shipping our stuff: we were flying to the new place, so this had to be timed with the departure and arrival of our stuff
- Starting life over: arriving in the new places and starting life again
Finding a new home
First thing we wanted to settle was a place to live in the US. With a toddler, we didn’t want to face the uncertainty of not having a roof, or having to hop between AirBnBs while looking for the right place or waiting for a lease to start.
We flew 10 days to the US to find a new place. Our bar was low: we were looking for a Minimally Viable Home (MVH). One with the space we needed, in a quiet street, not tiny or somber, and close-ish to my new work place.
Initially we visited the houses as a family – everyone going together – but quickly realized it was a waste of energy. Bringing our toddler was a huge overhead, as we had to plan meals and nap times. Most houses looked good on pictures, but were shitty in practice. We agreed that one of us would stay with the toddler, while the other would check out the houses. The promising ones, we re-visited as a family. From the over 15 houses we visited, only 3 met the MVH bar for which we applied for a lease. This 15 to 3 ratio offers a sense of the wastage of the visits.
Among the three leases we applied, one was approved. Step one was completed!
Packing and loading the truck
We went back to Canada to face the most painful part of the move: moving our stuuf. We hired a self service moving company (upack.com). They droped a truck trailer in front of our house and we had to load it ourselves. We had 5 days to load the truck, and we did spend almost all 5 days doing just that. It was never ending.
Differently than moving in the same city, in which one can do multiple trips over a few days, in a cross country move, one needs to pack and load every little thing. That broom or entrance carpet you want to bring along? It needs to be in the trailer. The cleaning supplies, the kids’ toys in the backyear? All in the trailer. We probably loaded the big items (furniture, boxes) in 2 days, and the remaining 3 days were packing all the small things that were hidden around the house, or that we didn’t realized we wanted to bring along.
We would wake up, start packing and loading. Five days in a row. It felt never ending. Looking back, we could have considered a full service, or hired some people with experience in packing and loading to help us along. We don’t move often, so it took a lot of mental energy to organize and execute.
With the truck loaded, we got the company to haul it away. Our outbound flight was scheduled for the following day.
Flying out: everything must fit in 4 suitcases
We booked our flight to arrive when our lease started. The new house was empty, with only kitchen appliances. Upon arrival, we would have only what we had packed. This felt like a camping trip, and that’s how we packed: camping cutlery, a few pots and pans, sleeping bags and a portable crib for our toddler. It’s impressive how little we needed to start over: 4 suitcases.
Our moving trailer arrived one week later. We learned this fun fact about moving: it took us 5 days to pack and load our house into the truck, but only 2 hours to unload it
Starting life over
We knew that moving to a new country would involve starting life over. From the most profound changes, like leaving long time friends to start afresh, to simple bureaucratic to-dos, like getting an SSN number and driver’s license.
To establish our new friends network, we used what was available to us: we skimmed through LinkedIn and Facebook for former friends and acquaintaces that were in the same area. We were lucky to find a few friends from university, living within 10 miles of our new home. Having a shared history with those friends helped to re-established the connections. Those friends, having lived in the area for many years, had valuable on the ground knowledge. We also leased a place in a condominium, where we made lots of new friends.
The more bureaucratic items included: getting an SSN and setting up a bank account to get paid. We also needed to build our credit history in the US, so getting a credit card was also a to-do. Lesson learned here: don’t try to rush to get a credit card or finance a car, you’ll get rejected on all fronts due to lack of credit history. On top of that, applying for credit hurts your credit score, so don’t force it. The path of least resistance was opening a bank account and waiting for the bank to start offering credit cards, which is what we did.
Getting a car and insurance was also tricky, as we did not have US driver’s license to get insurance. Luckily we found an insurance company that accepted our Canadian driver license and Canadian driving history.
With new connections, SSN, bank account, credit card and a car, we were on our way to starting our new life.
Moving – a rebirth
Moving accross countries has a lot of logistics hurdles, but also emotional processing to be done. It felt like a death and a rebirth. The death part was saying goodbye to all the people and places you love. Although they are still there, you won’t be able to see them frequently: you can’t schedule a last minute brunch this Saturday with your friends, or hug them to congratulate the arrival of the new born. You can’t drive to the mountains for a ski in the afternoon. All of that is still there and will continue to exist, without you.
This transition gave pause and a moment thinking on what really mattered in the last 10 years in Canada, those were: friendship and beauty. My heart is warm thinking of those: the sense of community and belonging when geting together with friends, laughing, having fun and, sharing life lessons. The beauty were all the beautiful sights that awed us: the Rockies, the lakes, the views, the snow, the sunny days, the sunny days with the snow. Those all still exist, but no longer within reach, so goodbye to those.
After the goodbyes come the rebirth: we arrive in a new and unknown place, with no belongings. Like a baby that comes into the world naked and with nothing else. Different than babies, we have our experience and accumulated wisdom to guide us in this new journey. Onwards, towards our new life!
-V