Give an opinion
The other day, I was sitting with friends when one mentioned a movie they liked. I immediately said it was terrible and listed everything that was wrong with it — from plot holes to unrealistic characters. By the end of my rant, they had no rebuttal. I'd won this debate.
Later that night, I reflected: what exactly did I win? All I achieved was make one friend regret sharing their opinion and the others fearful to share theirs.
My default behaviour is to talk as if my opinion is correct. This often leads to an argument or shutting down the conversation. The truth is most of my opinions are fragile — based on limited information, very specific contexts and biases built up over a lifetime.
Connection over conviction
Good conversation encourages different opinions. They're an
opportunity to learn, not a call to arms. Exploring opposing
views either strengthens your position or changes it to a
better one. Either way, you grow.
The ability to disagree in a non-combative way is a
mark of emotional and intellectual maturity.
More importantly, you connect. People expressing how they
think is required for
connection — the goal of social
conversation.
How to...
Change your intent from a declaration of truth to
testing your knowledge. The right language can position
yourself outside of a combat arena and encourage others to
sit at a diplomatic table. When expressing an opinion,
preface with: based on what I read...
or
my current thinking is...
If someone becomes
combative, they won't be attacking you, they're attacking
what you read or your current thinking. This reduces your
fight or flight response and more open to exploring
their side.
See an opposing opinion as an chance to figure something out together. Most people are logical and reasonable — what are we both missing that makes us see the same thing differently?