Stwipe — Payments infrastructure for people who cannot be reasoned with

Payments
infrastructure for
people who cannot
be reasoned with.

Stwipe is the financial primitive for the world's most demanding economy. We process the unprocessable. We approve the unapprovable. We say yes when the alternative is a tantrum.

Small, powerful people
want things.

They want them now. They will not read your email. They will not sit through your demo. If you say no, they will cry, and then they will tell their friends.

Applies to: toddlers, board members.

$4.2 trillion.
Twice.

The global toddler economy is worth $4.2 trillion annually if you count the parents. The global venture capital economy is worth $4.2 trillion annually if you count the LPs.

These are, mathematically, the same market. We were the first to notice.

Source: a back-of-the-napkin calculation we are very confident in.

Spot the difference.

Attention spans are
collapsing.

The median board meeting is now shorter than the median episode of Bluey. We saw the convergence and built for it. The window will not stay open forever. The window may, in fact, already be closed.

If you are still reading this slide, you are not the customer.

One endpoint.
One answer.

Stwipe exposes a single API. There is no documentation, because they will not read it. There is no error state, because telling them no causes a meltdown. We return 200 on every request. We have never been wrong.

The line goes up.

Numbers omitted at the request of our investors, who have not asked.

We are top right.

Axes intentionally unlabeled. They did not ask. We did not offer. The position speaks for itself.

Logos.

A representative selection of the enterprises that have signed letters of intent, by which we mean their parents have.

Four founders.

Three of them are toddlers. One is a former Stripe PM who left "to spend more time with the family." We do not specify which family.

Testimonials.

We have left the attributions deliberately ambiguous. We trust you to figure out which is which.

$40M.
You know why.

Series A at a $400M post. We will use the funds for "growth," which is a word that means whatever you need it to mean. We will not be taking questions.

Thank.

🧃