GOBBLE POWER. DODGE ACCOUNTABILITY.
CASH GRABBED $0
PUBLIC TRUST
He grows by eating
everything that was
supposed to stop him.
arrows / WASD to steer
© 2026 REAL RECORD, FAKE GAME
every pickup is real. sources below.
▼ THE RAP SHEET ▼LEVEL SELECT — THE PUBLIC RECORD
THE RAP SHEET
The game is satire. The pickups are not. Every item the snake eats is drawn from Ken Paxton's public record — indicted, impeached, reported to the FBI by his own staff, and ordered to pay millions to the whistleblowers he fired.
JUL 2015
Indicted on felony securities fraud charges
A Texas grand jury indicted Paxton on three felony counts. He stayed under indictment for nearly nine years while serving as the state's top law-enforcement officer, until a 2024 pre-trial deal ended the case: roughly $271,000 in restitution, 100 hours of community service, and legal-ethics classes — with no admission of wrongdoing.
OCT 2020
His own top deputies reported him to the FBI
Eight senior officials in Paxton's office — his handpicked team — accused him of bribery and abuse of office to benefit a campaign donor. The whistleblowers were fired and sued under the Texas Whistleblower Act.
MAY 2023
Impeached by the Texas House, 121–23
A Republican-led House impeached him on 20 articles, including bribery, abuse of public trust, and misuse of official power. The Texas Senate acquitted him that September.
APR 2025
Ordered to pay $6.6 million to the whistleblowers
A judge ruled Paxton's office violated the Texas Whistleblower Act and awarded $6.6 million to the four fired deputies. Paxton called the judgment "ridiculous," appealed, then dropped the appeal in July 2025. The bill lands on Texas taxpayers.
NOVEMBER 3, 2026 — CHOOSE YOUR PLAYER
FINAL SCORE
KEN PAXTON
FELONY INDICTMENT COUNTS3
YEARS UNDER INDICTMENT8+
IMPEACHMENT ARTICLES20
DEPUTIES WHO WENT TO FBI8
WHISTLEBLOWER JUDGMENT$6,600,000
JAMES TALARICO
FELONY INDICTMENT COUNTS0
YEARS UNDER INDICTMENT0
IMPEACHMENT ARTICLES0
DEPUTIES WHO WENT TO FBI0
DAY JOB BEFORE POLITICSTEACHER
EXIT THE ARCADE
Texas deserves better
than a snake game.
James Talarico is a former middle-school teacher and four-term state representative from Austin. He won the Democratic nomination in March 2026 and is running on public schools, lower costs, and restoring basic trust in the office — the thing the snake keeps eating.
Teacher firstTaught middle school on San Antonio's West Side before ever running for office.
Wins tough roomsRepeatedly elected in a competitive district; known for making his case to voters who disagree.
Record supportHis Senate run raised over $27 million in a single quarter — the most of any Senate campaign ever for that period.
Election Day is Tuesday, November 3, 2026. Texas voter registration closes Monday, October 5, 2026 — 30 days before the election.
Texas has no online registration. Find the nearest place to register in person at gatewaytovote.org.