For the past 15 years, I let my career define who I am. I measured my self-worth against it, stacked my identity on top of the titles I held, and pushed myself further than I probably should have. I stayed up late, woke up early, and sacrificed pieces of myself just to keep climbing.
In reality, I was burnt out. I wanted to quit for the longest time. I wasn’t happy anymore, but I kept going and told myself it was just what I had to do. So when it all came crashing down, I immediately became lost.
Today marks two weeks since I unexpectedly lost my job. Two weeks of trying to make sense of it, of sitting with the silence that follows after years of constant motion. Two weeks of grief over something that, in hindsight, should never have held so much power over how I see myself.
It’s hard to find a silver lining in all of this, but perhaps this is the universe’s way of telling me I need to rest. To finally pause. To finally let go of a weight I’ve been carrying for far too long.
I don’t have a neat bow to tie this story with or talk about a lesson learned. But I do know that I’m trying. I’m trying to remember that who I am is more than what I do for a living. I’m trying to let go of old measures of worth and find new ones that feel less fragile. I guess that’s a little bit of what I’m working on right now to pass the time. I’m trying to be ok with the unknown, while rebuilding myself slowly, and to trust that this loss might create room for something else I’m not sure of what yet.
Let this be a reminder, some sort of sign. Your company does not really care about you. To them, you are just a number. Prioritize the things that truly matter... your health, your family, your passions. At the end of the day, no matter how much of a top performer you are or how many accolades you collect, the job will move on without you. So don’t forget to care for the important things first (like yourself).
It’s rough out there... but know that you are not alone. Someone, somewhere, is going through the same thing you are.
Like me.
♾️ Related: Drowning in the In-Between