One of the more memorable and quotable scenes from the hit HBO show Silicon Valley occurs in the season 1 finale when the guys are debating “hypothetically” just how long it would take the founder of *Aviato*, Erlich Bachman to ehm, stimulate, an 800 man crowd to completion using only his hands. Panicked about how they are going to win Techcrunch Startup Battlefield the next morning, the guys go on to derive the beginnings of a sophisticated mathematical model considering the most relevant variables influencing the scenario where a (very) single individual has to stimulate 800 men to completion within 10 minutes:
The purpose of this article is to bring their work …to completion. My model builds on the work of Misra (2014). Happy reading!
“We’re gonna win even if I have to go into the auditorium and personally jerk off every guy in the audience!” — Erlich Bachman
The Model
Again, hypothetically, let us first consider the isolated stimulation of a generic individual i by an agent E (Erlich). Our model accounts for a perfectly cylindrical shaft of some girth D which is rigid. The area of…