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Sixty-six million years ago, when the asteroid that ended the cretaceous period struck the Yucatán Peninsula, dinosaurs in Canada had roughly two minutes to live.We never knew their stories. An asteroid struck the Atlantic ocean on December 15, 2015 and some humans recorded the last moments of human history so that Anthropologists/ martians would not have to spent fucking millions on finding what happened to us.
The news hit him rather slow, it was less like a tequila shot and more like a weed injected idli, which reminded him of the first time he got fired — the news took some time to sink in which was followed by 5 mins of self loathing and regret which was followed by 10 minutes of careful analysis to pin-point the external forces that had led to him getting fired. It was without doubt the work of a scheming manager or an envious employee, it definitely must have been Sharon, that bitch! Returning to the matter at hand, he had two more minutes to live and had to act quickly
Remy always wanted to be an artist or may be not exactly always, even he was not sure. Like many great men, Remy also had his share of Daddy problems, you know the usual recipe —
1.Daddy grew up in a poor family with an abusive parent
2. He didn't have the money to follow your heart as fancy kids call it
3. Daddy works hard, becomes a banker and never wants his children to have the same fate
4. Obviously the kids have other ideas
5. Daddy does not like new ideas, he likes the old, tested ones. Like the ones of a banker
6. By a rather inexplicable phenomenon, like the sons of all bankers, Remy turns out to be bad at math
7. Add a few TED talks, one Steve jobs commencement speech, tear jerking oscar acceptance speeches and Remy wants to be an artist, a film maker perhaps
In an act of adolescent rebellion, defying all odds, Remy makes a short film — a very bad one, he should have realized that defying all odds is for the movies.But, Remy hopes that through his short film his father will recognize the son’s true calling. This was without doubt made possible by years of efforts by bollywood directors to solve daddy problems by melodramatic music and bro-hugs. Needless to say Remy’s father does not watch the movie and instead kicks him out of the house, leaving scope for the melodramatic music atleast.
A period of wilderness ensues and Remy realizes that not only his father but the whole world is conspiring against his dreams. It was not the bad script or the shitty equipment that made his films bad, it was the viewers lack of taste and intelligence.
Like every true christian, Remy first blames god for all his woes and not showing him the right path, but since god doesnt give a fuck he blames his girlfriend. He curses her for not giving him enough moral support, for not being there when he wanted a hug, for not being the rock, gem or gold she was supposed to be.Even a girl with as low self esteem could not take it anymore and she left him
Each week Remy would have an idea that he thinks will become the greatest movie of our times, he abandons it two hours later, cause, well — The establishment, the conservatives, the general public is not good enough for his ideas, he loathes them and watches porn and masturbates instead, because why write?
Remy realizes the impending doom of his dreams. Its the last two mins of the world. He goes into the deep recesses of his mind for a moment and like it is for every true blue movie buff, his whole life flashes before his life. He realizes that he must choose and tweet his last 140 characters carefully, because the world, the future generation of anthropologists and historians would remember him for these last words.
Just as he begins to type these last words, he realizes that the world coming to an end is not his fault at all, its probably the Americans fault, they should have stopped the asteroid with a nuclear bomb like they always do in Micheal Bay movies. He contemplates and comes to the conclusion that future anthropologists and historians would not be even speaking English, “Ah what is the purpose of writing, this might well be the last few minutes of internet as well, might as well die with one final flourish”, hence folklore has it that the last words this prolific man of words was “Hot Milf Sex”
I’ll be publishing two articles per week. Collecting all the thoughts from the lives that ended when that bloody asteroid struck on December 15, 2015. Sign-up below for messages from the dead. Literally. Almost.