3 things I would tell 18-year-old me and
3 things I would hope to hear from 24-year-old me.
Today is my 21st birthday but I feel 100 years old.
This post is somewhat inspired by Sam Altman’s “The days are long but the decades are short.”
Dear 18 year old Lorenzo:
- That annoying ringing in your ear that keeps telling you you're not good enough, not smart enough, not creative enough, will not quite go away.
At least not how you would expect it to. It’s not “just a phase”, it’s part of you and you’ll be carrying it around for a while.
Thankfully it also happens to be THE SINGLE REASON why you are doing and will continue to do well in so many aspects — that anxiety you carry on your shoulders will pressure you to push yourself as hard as you can.
It’s also what will soon get you into the the 2nd best university in the world. Even this will not feel like it’s enough but don’t forget where you came from. Most of the people you grew up with are clueless slobs stuck in front of a football match on TV.
Thank god you are not the average of the people around you. - Family is important but not as much as american movies make you believe — and whilst it’s easy for them to make you worse it’s borderline impossible for you to make them any better. Inertia.
You’re the youngest child, nobody will actually take you seriously until you’re making a living. Maybe not even then.
Instead, look after yourself more, you need it more than you think — that vein of pessimism you’re developing will help you with this, stay true to it.
When in doubt, assume the worst, that’s how it always went and most times we were ready for it. - History is the single most important factor.
(These days, you like to pester your friends with this sentence, in any possible context.)
Change is a unicorn in a world of sloths — don’t count on it and don’t expect it from the people around you.
Don’t hang around for negative people to change, cut them loose.
Be fucking ruthless. I say this but it’s still hard for me.
On the other hand, you love change and take pride in actively pursuing it. It’s scary as fuck but keep at it, so far so good.
Studying is the only thing that makes you truly happy.
“Learn voraciously.” Study books, study people, study smells and places (and for god’s sake please study more maths, your high school is a joke).
What I would hope to hear from 24 year old Lorenzo:
- This black dog you have learnt to live with will soon be tame. No more bites or scars. You are now almost unfamiliar with the feeling of the floor getting swept away from under your feet.
All the things that terrified you — your love life, your career, a place to call home, growing older— have turned out to be either insignificant or OK.
You will find your place in the tech world and you’ll soon start to get some recognition for your work. Imposter syndrome will soon turn out to be your greatest strength.
Not getting the internship/job you wanted didn’t matter at all.
You will often feel like the dumbest person in the room, try to work with with people that constantly remind you that’s not the case. - You have gotten better at bridging the gap between what people around you think you are, what your past says you are, and who you really want to be.
You don’t let people’s projections of you dictate your identity anymore. - You were right, when people thought you were crazy it was because you were living in the future.
Also, stop staring at your hairline, it’s not going anywhere anytime soon, and those you think are wrinkles actually do not exist.
All that energy spent worrying about your appearance has always been and will always be mapped to zero.
Life is elsewhere Lorenzo, life is elsewhere.
See you in three years.
I’m Lorenzo, 21. I study Computing at Imperial College London.
The title of this article is inspired by a line from W.H. Auden’s “As I Walked Out One Evening”, a poem I used to read often when I was 18.
The cover art is by Walter Crane, late 19th century.
Catch you on the flipside.