For as long as I can remember, I've always had trouble "making" friends.
Now that's not to suggest that I don't have friends, as I'm pretty sure I do (maybe not as definitive statement as I'd like), it's just that I struggle to make new friends and then in turn stumble trying to foster them long-term.
And it's these issues which in turn amplify feedback I recently received from a doctor-supported program that suggested I needed to "focus on increasing the quantity and improve the quality of your friend time" to improve my overall health and lifestyle1.
Taking that look back to my younger years, while I struggled to make friends it certainly felt like my friends more easily found me. Obviously going to school and playing sports and everything else that we do as kids and teens creates many opportunities for that to happen.
It's just that as I've grown older, those many (or few) friends I had from those years have gone on journeys that have differed than mine and we've drifted apart. And for one reason or another, I haven't established new friendships commiserate to the pace of those I've lost.
And boy do I find it hard as an adult to make new friends.
The realization that it was hard to "make" new friends is one that I came to close to a decade ago. I suddenly noticed that with my wife at work, I'd find myself at home with nothing to do and no idea who to reach out to to actually do something. To overcome this impediment, I started to push myself to be more proactive in fostering the few friendships I still had while also trying to make new ones.
I'd reach out to connections new and old looking to grab a coffee or drink. I'd ring them up to catch up over lost time and check-in on what was going on in their worlds. I'd try to plan social events with coworkers, be it a lunch or dinner or even something like karaoke or taking in a Vancouver Canadians game.
And many of these texts, calls, meals, and events happened.
Yet none of these experiences every really fostered into anything more than a short-term connection, and that's where I feel I somehow messed up - courtesy of my innate social anxiety.
Obviously the lack of an establish friendship from all these activities may not have had anything to do with anything I did, said, or didn't do or say. Sometimes it just wasn't meant to be. But that's not what the inner voice is constantly saying so the toll is still a heavy one to pay.
So here I am, a middle-aged man in search of friends. Those to grab a coffee or drink with. Those to chat about the latest conundrum to face the Vancouver Canucks, or why Overwatch isn't that bad of a game. The people who you know are your people.
Anyone got a lead on some?
In case you didn't already know, there's quite a bit of science that supports the basis that friendships keep us healthy.