We were approached on a sunny day by a charming stranger in a brilliant raincoat.
“I would like you to make a radio advertisement,” said he, flashing white veneers and an impressive wad of cash. “A really, terrifically good advertisement.”
“What are we selling?”
“Doesn’t matter. Something you might buy over the internet. Put in whatever product or terms you like. If it’s a good advertisement, we can sell it. You have my word.”
We paused to consider it. We needed the money, and we did have the stranger’s word, offered with a gravity that was deeply reassuring. “O.K.,” we said.
“Fine, fine,” said the stranger. “One last thing – the business is zombo.com.”
We began the next day in our dingy little recording studio.
—
Take 15
SMITH. I lost my job, I totaled my car, and my entire family was dying of cancer. That’s when I knew I had to try something different.
GREEN: Something different?
SMITH: Yes. A friend showed me zombo.com.
GREEN: What is zombo.com?
SMITH: zombo.com helped me turn my life around by integrating zombo.com techniques into my daily life. It brings the everyday wisdom of the ancient Mayans into your home, paired with a deep understanding of holistic body work.
GREEN: That sounds amazing.
SMITH. Yes. Totally turned my life around. zombo.com. The peaceful place.
Cut
Take 27
SMITH: [chanting] zombo. Zombo. zombocom. Zombo. zombo. zombocom.
GREEN: Don’t knock it til you try it. Bake or boil it, stew or fry it.
SMITH: [in background, softly] zombo. Zombo. zombocom.
GREEN: Add our powder to your cooking. If you can’t see it, you’re not looking!
SMITH: zombo, zombo, zombocom
GREEN: Get that taste on your tongue, Keep on chewing til you’re done.
[TOGETHER]: Zombo, zombo, zombocom!
Cut
Take 50
GREEN: [whispers]: Did you get an invite?
SMITH: [urgently]: No. I’ve asked everywhere, everyone. You?
GREEN: Not yet. [scoffs] What do you expect? The whole world wants to join zombo.com. But I think I know how to get in.
SMITH: [astonished] How?
GREEN: Obama can get us in.
SMITH: [skeptically] You think Obama has those kind of connections?.
GREEN: It’s our best chance.
SMITH: I’ll write to him right away..
GREEN: We must join zombo.com, no matter the cost.
Cut
Take 102
SMITH: [deep voiceover] Board games. Water polo. Excavators. The world’s largest turtle..
GREEN: There’s truly something for everyone at zombo.com.
SMITH: Space flight. The first robin in springtime. Dinosaurs. The approval of your parents. Paint.
GREEN: (surprised) Paint?
SMITH: Every color, base, and sheen.
[TOGETHER] Find what you’re missing at zombo.com.
Cut
Take 565
SMITH: Close your eyes.
GREEN: [peacefully] Okay.
SMITH: Clear your mind.
GREEN: Okay.
SMITH: I mean, totally empty it. Forget everything you have ever known.
GREEN: Okay.
SMITH: Weep.
GREEN: [sobs for several minutes]
SMITH: Join zombo.com.
GREEN: Okay.
—–
We never saw the stranger again, but we’re still looking for the perfect ad. Maybe you can write it. Send it to us here.
..