The Productive Dad’s Guide to Newborn Babies

2 min read Original article ↗

How to sleep 8 hours per day, have a happy infant, enjoy yourself, and do your life’s work during the first six weeks.

Franz-Josef Schrepf

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Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Disclaimer: This blog post is for entertainment purposes only.

Say goodbye to your productivity?

The birth of your child is the most joyful moment you will ever have at a hospital. Your partner might disagree. I guess it depends on the pain medication she took.

Labour is different for everybody. Ours was pure excitement. Every time I stepped outside, I would burst back into the room like a five year old: ”The nurse said we even get to keep the baby!”

But after 24h without sleep I wasn’t so sure. I started to ask about the hospital’s baby return policy.

A few minutes after our daughter arrived, we placed her under a heat lamp. I wanted to take some pictures. So the nurse suggested we could put on a diaper for privacy. Great idea.

Two minutes later, I realized this was not what diapers were for. At least our baby seems to be made of 80% poo, 15% vomit, and (according to our paediatrician) not enough pee. These liquids are all held together by a bag of cute, soft baby skin.