easy sandwiches are a godsend to that segment of the population who terminally cannot be assed, at least when it comes to meals. we salute you, earl of sandwich, or whoever should get the credit. (maybe sandwiches are one of those inevitable food universals, like dumplings.)
but what makes an ideal low-effort sandwich? my personal criteria are as follows:
- won't take too long.
- is hard to fuck up.
- can be eaten open-faced if the whim strikes.
- stays mostly intact while eating.
- doesn't eject matter into my hands, face, or clothes at any point. (ahem.)
- is of a reasonable height.
with these things in mind, here are my favorites. i make warnings but no apologies: the contents of this post may shock and disgust non-americans, and even many other americans. caveat lector.
cheese sandwich
- deli cheese
- kewpie mayonnaise
- salt
- optional zhuzh: black pepper, spinach leaves, coleslaw, tomato, onion, pickle relish
obviously, this can be smeared with butter and cooked in a pan, but i think non-grilled cheese sandwiches are underrated. the best cheeses here are muenster, havarti, fontina, or monterey jack; the best breads are robust and not too soft. i bias towards crusty sourdough.
the first version of this that i ate as a child was miracle whip and a kraft single on sara lee white bread. sometimes there was also a slice of bologna. i have seen it called an "80s sandwich," but there's no reason to eat it in our century other than poverty or nostalgia.
radish sandwich
- 2 or 3 red radishes, sliced thin
- butter
- salt
- optional zhuzh: black pepper, flatleaf parsley, dill, chives, microgreens, cucumber slices
when my goal is prolonging my life for another day, i seldom get too precious about food authenticity--it seems white bread or brioche are the most traditional for this ✨sandwich français,✨ but it's also good on german brown bread.1
stronger radishes are better, of course. occasionally i'll use cream cheese instead of butter for a british tea sandwich vibe, but it's best as a thin layer, in my opinion.
onion sandwich
- small onion, sliced thin (white or yellow)
- kewpie mayonnaise
- parsley, chopped
- salt
- optional zhuzh: black pepper, scallions, chives
the original james beard recipe calls for brioche, but i think white bread is fine. brown bread and sourdough are also good choices.
this is a rare sandwich that totally holds up in the fridge for the next day. the onions mellow out and the flavors blend together.
avocado toast
- half an avocado, mashed
- dash of lime juice or vinegar
- olive oil
- salt & pepper
- optional zhuzh: egg over easy, sun-dried tomatoes, pickled red onion, feta, chèvre, sesame seeds, allium salt, red pepper flakes, chili crisp, chipotle sauce, cholula
adding an egg can strain my first and fifth criteria. i have to dirty a pan? and a spatula? but sometimes sacrifices must be made.2
for the toast, i don't think anything beats a multigrainy seedy bread.
fruit sando
- cut fruit, whatever is available
- whipped cream
- optional zhuzh: yogurt
i don't have a local plug for real fruit sandos--i don't even have a local plug for shokupan--but sometimes i want one so bad that i can be assed to cut up some fruit. a little yogurt mixed with the whipped cream adds a nice dimension. not all that nutritious, though.
peanut butter and banana sandwich
- peanut butter
- banana, sliced into 1/4" rounds
- optional zhuzh: salt, a little honey
i didn't bother converting a quarter inch to centimeters because every country that uses the metric system seems to find peanut butter disgusting.
a saltier, more "rustic" peanut butter (or almond butter) complements the smooth sweetness of the banana. i've had sunflower butter with this, but it always needs a touch more salt. honey is best used when the banana is closer to green than brown.
white bread is the usual vessel, but this is one of the few sandwiches in which i don't hate wheat bread. a sturdy multigrain bread is good here, too.
my mom's curry chicken salad sandwiches
blend together:
- 1/2 c mayonnaise of choice
- 1 tsp curry powder
- 2 TB apple cider vinegar
- salt, to taste
- garlic powder, to taste
- cayenne pepper, to taste
fold in:
- ~12 oz shredded chicken
- 1 large red apple, chopped
- 1 large stick of celery, diced
- 2 or 3 scallions, white and green parts
optional but nice:
- 1/2 c halved grapes (red or green)
- sliced almonds
- microgreens, like alfalfa sprouts
- romaine lettuce
my most caucasian trait is chicken salad enjoyment. this recipe strains my food prep time limit and my dislike for self-disemboweling sandwiches, but it keeps for a while in the fridge and makes many sandwiches. the inconvenience pays good dividends.
my mom recommends eating it on a croissant, toasted raisin bread, or a leaf of lettuce. i've learned to avoid regular untoasted sandwich bread with chicken salad because it won't provide enough structure and turns mealy after a minute. ick.
in the future, i'd like to try making it with the canned shredded jackfruit that vegans use for pulled not-pork sandwiches.
apparently this is a regional bread more common in the western US. it's like the brown rolls you can get at the cheesecake factory. hopefully somebody comes up with a catchier name than "new world german brown bread"--the name i grew up hearing is shorter, but it's also a slur.↩
i had a dream once about a bottled condiment that poured and tasted exactly like runny egg yolk. unfortunately, i don't think this exists. yet.↩