Birds are Shit.

Birds are Shit

2 min read Original article ↗

A FAIR AND TOTALLY UNBIASED DEMOCRACY

All animals are equal,
but most birds are shit.

Forget rarity. Forget beauty. Forget whatever Attenborough said. This is all about character. Pigeons have grafted. Vultures provide a public service. Meanwhile some colourful prick in a rainforest has spent six million years evolving a fancy hat.

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THE OFFICIAL RECORD

Top 10 shittest birds

The ten birds currently bringing shame upon the entire class Aves.

PASS JUDGEMENT

Rate the evidence

THE METHODOLOGY

There isn't one.

Since the dawn of ornithology, bird nerds have been obsessed with colourful and showy plumage. Victorian collectors, museums and Darwin all failed to answer the truly democratic question: is this bird actually any good?

As any naturalist who hasn't been infected with the plumage fetish of birding will tell you, most birds are boring. It's time to give a voice to the scavengers, pavement specialists and drab little bastards who are the true underdogs of the birding world.

VERY SERIOUS ADMINISTRATION

Bird authority only.

Present your credentials to interfere with democracy.

THE BIRD DIRECTORY

Find an idiot.

Search above or pick a letter.

BIRD BUREAUCRACY

Abandon bird meddling?

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