/g/ - Technology

Assembler: You waste no time, abstraction such as knifes and forks are alien to you. You leap into the air, swipe your teeth around the orange and swallow it whole.

Java:You take an orange from refrigerator, wash it, dry it with cloth, put it on plate. You salivate, anticipating an easy task. You take a knife and consult the book on industrial cutting patterns. You begin to feel nervous, holding the orange with a fork and carefully cutting it to standard 4 piece synergized enterprise orange meal. You swipe the juice off the plate with a napkin.You then pause and detect the seeds, removing them from each piece and ponder upon the preferred methods of eating. You take a book from the shelf entitled "Learn optimal orange eating in 24 hours". You take the easiest approach: placing the orange peel against your mouth you try to gnaw the threads and juicy parts.
After the meal you wash your mouth, dispose of the garbage and congratulate yourself with such an accomplishment.

Haskell: You eat an orange with a spoon, removing the top part with a spoon cut and splashing juice everywhere. Its extremely labor intensive but you have so much fun in the process you forget it. Your mom eventually collects the orange peel and cleans the room.

LISP: You peel an orange an put it into a juice mixer, with a cup attached nearby. It not very fast mixer however, so in the mean time you read a charter of SICP and redecorate your personal Sussman shrine. You would clean the mixer later, such matters shouldn't interfere with the process of orange eating.

COBOL: You eagerly await the orange truck as it unloads nearby. You are hit by an old half-rotten orange which you hide into your pocket. Back home you you remove the bad parts, peel it and try to make the orange a part of a fruit salad. You present your poor family with your custom made salad. They probably wished for something more expensive, but you can't afford it.

JavaScript: Your pet monkey steals an orange. You don't know how it was done or where it been, but you just got one. You casually peel it by hand and chew it, spitting seeds everywhere.
Your monkey looks at you contemplatively awaiting some reward or command. You leave the room walking completely unaware of what you've eaten before, just staring at clouds. Back in the room your monkey eats the peel.

APL: You pick an orange, throw and shoot it. Juice falls down exactly the locations where you have placed cups. Your last shot guide the orange into the garbage bucket and you pull the cups back to you, since they all are connected with the same string.
You filter and mix the contents of all cups for a refreshing drink.

Ruby: You pick an anime which revolves about teenage girls eating oranges all day and having a good time. You put it on repeat, adjust your figurines, and grab an orange. You throw it at the ceiling screaming something affirmative, some phrase you picked up from the anime. You get excited and get the peel off accidentally,but forget about it. You grab a juice pack from the refrigerator, and ponder on the hidden meanings of oranges in the anime.

VisualBasic: You play with oranges as if it was basketball. People
look at you funny, but you persist and try to discover new orange throwing techniques. You wander the streets looking for someone to share your skills and challenge them for oranges in your pocket.
Eventually you're recruited by a passing orange league agent.

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Ada: You're invited to a orange farm to taste some oranges, but deep down you suspect something. You see a watermelon on a long fork, stuck on the ground. In a distance is a team of soldiers is coloring similar watermelons with orange paint, accompanied by guard dogs. You walk away, confused.

Forth: You make an elaborate contraption, designed to make juice with minimal labor expenses. A truck unloads oranges into a designated pipeworks which all lead to your juice machine. The orange are peeled, juiced and discarded and juice is flowing smoothly into industrial containers attached to the machine. You taste the first batch and adjust the settings, leaving the process on overnight.

Prolog: You try to figure out how to eat an orange but you go into an infinite loop. You change your plan a little bit, You find yourself compelled to stick the orange up your ass.

PHP: You take off your pants, smash the orange against the wall, and fall down the stairs.

HTML: You lick old orange peels, and imagine what an orange would taste like.

C: You eat an orange

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Haskell: You sit in lotus position with inscence burning. There is an orange on the table. You sit thinking for a few hours. Then suddenly you grip part onto it and peel the orange into a single spiral in one flick of your wrist. You spend the rest of the week playing with interesting methods of folding the orange peel up.

Scheme: You take your time-continuation device out of your pocket and travel back in time, you're there about to eat an orange but you steal it out of your own hands and bite into it. There is a dreadful fight you lose track of which one you are.. all you can do it kick and bite because you're being held down. You headbutt yourself really hard and start seeing stars, all you an think is "I need to get back" you grope around for your continuation... it's missing! You can't see anything, there's blood dripping down your face, why??? you scream but it's just a gurgle, you can't breathe anymore.. you must have bitten through... time is slowing down into a droopy viscous sensation, you can't feel anything anymore. You have died.

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Visual Basic: You're in a special education class for the mentally retarded. Today's lunch is orange slices.

Python: You find an older boy to help you peel the orange. When you are away to eat the orange, Guido tells you that oranges are unpythonic and you should have a zucchini instead.

tcl: You scrumple up some newspaper and paper mache it, once it's dry you paint it orange and eat it.

Brainfuck: You grow an orange from a seed. Watering it and removing weeds, calculating optimal lighting inside your room and choosing the right fertilizer . You eventually grow a single orange. You can't bring yourself to eat it and instead freeze dry it as memorabilia. You tell all your friends about your orange.

Perl: You dive into a box filled with many kinds of fruit. You feel around for an orange, and it takes several attempts until you are content you have an orange. While still submerged in the fruit box, you decide on how to peel the orange. You contemplate using (in roughly this order): a brick, a hammer, your fists, your forehead, a spoon, a fork, a knife... You give up and bite into the orange, only to discover that it is a pineapple. This entire process is repeated several times until you actually find an orange. Once you bite through its leathery flesh, you find it is underwhelmingly juicy. You then proceed to eat it anyway, but you decide to only chew through your lips, so your teeth do not actually touch any orange.

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Erlang: Hungry and half-asleep, you walk in a dimly lit room. A refrigerator door is slightly open and you look in, search for something edible. You try to bite an orange, but...suddenly it bites you back, grinning like a maniac. Your table swivels its legs around you. You're trapped and screaming for mercy, while being eaten alive by oranges.

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>>43324545
>passing orange league agent
kek

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>>43324409
>and carefully cutting it to standard 4 piece synergized enterprise orange meal.
My sides escaped the JVM

>>43324515
Toppest of keks! I want more APL

Haskell.
Orange is immutable.

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Best thread on /g/ this year

>>43324609
While burglars steal from your house because in the process of getting the orange, you forgot to close every door in the house.

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JavaScript: You eat your your orange with tools your home community invented, some of them are broken but you won't realize this until a few hours later. If you make any mistake eating the orange, you throw it out no matter what state it is and start with a brand new orange.

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tl;dr

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>>43324625
Post-modern piece of our generation.

LabVIEW: You hold the orange and wrap it in lots of electrical wire, using a Dremel to carefully drill several irregular holes in the orange. After using a mill and lathe you borrow from your neighbor, you have created an overly sophisticated, deluxe, orange crusher. You place the orange inside it and everything catches on fire. A contest judge walks up to you and hands you a small trophy.

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Obj-C: While eating the orange, the juice pours down onto your MBP, but luckily for you the person sitting next to jumps to save your laptop. He responds with "don't worry I've almost done this to myself". Everybody in the Starbucks claps using their Clap™ app.

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-

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>>43324677
More like you bang your head against the orange until something happens.

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>>43326449
>sides literally took off on vacation.

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XML : You found and want to eat an orange orange orange that you want to eat because you found it

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>>43324376
perl: you ask somebody to pick your orange, peel it for you, then put it into your mouth.

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XSLT: You peel a half of the orange and use the skin to build various tools to sculpt the rest of the orange. It takes you 12 years. The orange tastes like shit.

>>43324376
C++: You are about to eat an orange, but then you realize that you've been thinking about this completely wrong. Instead of thinking of this as eating an orange, it's really just an example of consuming fruit. And since you're not the only person who might consume fruit, let's think of ourselves as just instantiations of Eaters produced by an EaterFactory contained in an Eatery produced by an EateryFactory.

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>>43327513
Read from the beginning to the end.
Now read from the end to the beginning.

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>>43327513
XML is unnecessarily redundant in a symmetrical way, like his sentence.

Python: you eat the orange

LaTeX

HTML: You place the orange in the center of a bunch of tags to share with your friends, only to find that half of your friends can't even peel the orange.

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>>43327679
LaTeX:
Eating an orange only ever goes two ways for you. When you were a spry young thing, you would cut your orange peel into marvelous flowery designs before finally sending your artisaned fruit to have its design copied and enjoyed by the masses.
In your old age, you wish you still had the time to pick up the razor, instead you hand over the orange to the younger folk who now perform your fine art in your stead.

>>43327685
this is a thread about programming languages

>>43327738
I know, that's why I said HTML?

>>43327755
Is that a question? HTML is a markup language. You can't write programs with it.

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Prolog: You are thinking "How should I eat the orange?". The answer is "Yes". You don't eat the orange

C++: You wish to start peeling the orange, but arranged on the table are thousands of different knives. Each one can help peel the orange but no matter what knife you choose, supporters of the other knives will tell you you're peeling the orange wrong.

>>43327770
Yes you can. Look at HTML5. I program in HTML all the time.

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>>43327778
Knife faggots pls go. Would you use a tool to drink from a milk carton?
Bare hands are the only way

>>43327787
Doesn't mean i'm not a programer? stfu i did codecademy for html retard, I know what I'm doing.

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Objective-C: You peel your orange, meanwhile sending messages to your OrangePeelingDelegate about your progress. Once you're finished peeling it, your OrangePeelingDelegate tells you to eat the orange

>>43327799
You're terrible at banter, you know that?

>>43327810
you're fucking gay, you queer fuck kill yourself

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>>43324376
Sounds like an elementary sc school homework. Just eat an orange yourself and write down everything you do from grabbing the orange to swallowing the last piece

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Ruby: Install the Orange gem. Bash your head as the native extensions don't compile. Install liborange-devel, and recompile. Then simply peel orange, and eat it.

Malbolge :
Ỷ̼͋̍m̥̟̃͊̊̑ͭͭe̳͖̱̟r̰͎̍̏ í̭͕͍̻ṣ͓͔̓̚ ͚̂b̹̼͋o̞̫̪̖͈̊̀͊ͤ͌̈́r̝̯͔̰̖ͪ̓n̦,̯̥͉̫͕̤̿ ̤̎ͅf͇͕̹͇̭ͣ̔̈͂ͦ́i̥̲̖̦̽̏̇ͨͅr̰̰̹̅ͧ͒͂ͭ̿̇ě̫̹͕̲̫̙͚̆̏̓̍́͂ ̼̪͍̫̦̄ͩ̉a͍̹̔ṇ͎̑d͚͎̽ ̗̘̹͓̆̓̇͒i̻̙͎̻̹͔̅̈́c͔̺̠̈ͥͅͅḛͅ
̣̫͒C̥̬͎ͩḥ͍̜͓̖̳ͥ̎̓ȁ̻̰̣̙͈̓͛̆̒̚o̓́s̯̼̙͙̼͍̗̑ͯ͋ͪ ̻̜͚̾w̘͈̖í̈́̓͌͛ͨ̒l̘͇̓̐ͅl̤ͥ ̹͔͚̞͇̚f̝͐o̖͖̺̗̠͙͌͆ͨͤ͌ͯ̅r̝͙͍̞͔ͮ̚ͅͅm̮̳͈̺̗͎͛̓ͣ́,̙͇͚͚̽̌̇̓ͥ ̎M̦̔̄ͯͣ̄e̘̥̾̈́̓͛g͓̓̎͌͛ͮͨi̺͚̬͈̾ͅn͍̠̱̥̼̆͑̅̌̅̚ ̎ͬͪͮ̍̎w͇̼̗͇̝̪ͧ̃͂̾̃͗i̪̮̙̝̘͋ͦl͖̠͈͊͆̈́ͯ̍́lͭ̾̍ ̠ͪͨ̍̀̅r̖̣͚̼̟̣ͬ͊̾i̤̙̥͔̣͖̐ͮ͌̓͛s̗̤̲e͇ͪ̐̋ͣ̇
̝̅̈́̊F̱ͅǎ̯̲̔͆̇̄̾̚d͓̲͐́͛ͯe͉̮̭̤̯̦̲͊r̦̣̩̺̯͇̥͆̅ ̘ͣY͓̿ͣͦ̂̀m̻͙̘̟͍̭e̻̲͙͂ͭ̂̊̈́̚r̖̩̪̎̇̒̈́̋͐ ̤͚̄ͫ̏̚̚d͎̥͖͕̎ͤ͐ͪ͒̚r̗̯͑ã̦̣̝̤c͓̫͍̺̰k̹̪̎͑̃̋̌ ̼͖̥͎͋͋̆̐ͧͪf͇̣̀ͪ̆ͪ̑̍r̤͕̗̗̃a͉̒n͑̽̽͗̚ ͍̠͔̞̳̭̄ͫͤͦ̔̐u̱͇̠̼͖̗͐͑r̠̥̐ͥͦk̤̩̪͙͈̜͈o͙̮̱͎̬̺ͪ̀n̖͇̳͎̣̠ͥ
͇̺̩̞̦̙̘Ȅ̲̫̦̰̱͒͊̇̀ͅn͔͓̞̠̭͔͔̈́ͭ̄̎̃̚̚ ̫̳̇͆̍ͫ́̉ś͙̺̻̮͇̀̚t̻̦̯̣͚͗ͨ̆̆ͯ̂ṛ͉̞̟̥͗͋̓̿oͭ͒̏͗ͥ̿mͧ̐͂ͦ̿̈́̚ ͖͂͗̉̈a̬̮̤̦ͥ͐ṿ̈́̀̏́̀ͪͮ ̹̮̹̭͓͈̳͂ͩͭ͛ͨ̚m͈͈̦͓͚̣̳͑j̥͇̼̣̗ͮ͐ͣ̇̇̎̎o̖̐ͮ̒̀̌lͫk̙̤̪̄͌͗̄ͯ ̲͐s͕̗̲̪ͭͫo̙̯͖͉̤͎̒ͅm̖̳̫̅̊ͮͫ͂ ̰̲̦ͅg̞͈̼͈̞ͬͅa̤̒̽̅̑v̫̻̼͍̙͚̻̂ ̫̫̥̮̌ͦ͗ͪ̃̔ͬo̗̮ṣ̻͖͎͖͙̮͐͑͌̀̑ͩs͕̪̬͈͍̘̮̋̿̉̈ ̳̳̮̤͉̲̟͆͑̓ͪ̾ͦ͆l͌̓̿ĭ͛̑ͮ̿̅v̱̻̪̟̭̙̳.͓̤̟̗̙̄͐͋̚

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>>43324376
AutoHotkey: You are sitting in your childhood bedroom in 90 degree weather reading a forum about eating oranges. You recently installed a new orange on top of your TV-tray and you're curious about how others had been able to eat the orange. You find out that a few people have been able to rig up a Rube Goldberg machine that will peel an orange and roll the results into a funnel that would lead to your mouth while you are conducting your latest WoW raids. Unfortunately, you have to remember to reset the machine every time you finish an orange or else nothing will happen.

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>>43327573
that's java, not c++
well ok, enterprisy c++ can be as horrible

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>>43324376
MIX Assembly: You don't actually have an orange, but luckily you have a very nice, streamlined model of one. You find it's best to study the orange in hypothetical terms instead of actually eating a real orange.

Scratch: You do hundreds of lines of code to make the fucking cat give you the orange

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Where is Turbo Pascal?

>>43327799
you're not a programmer unless you took computer science III.

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>>43328051
The only one ITT that I can actually understand since I am a retard, but back in the days I was a fucking pro in scratch.

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Game Maker Studio: You make a mario clone platformer game with static orange sprites and 3 levels and put it on Steam Greenlight for $14.99 (early access)
When people start asking about the actual eating of the orange, you ignore them at first and once you've made enough buck, you outsource your IP to a 3rd party to rewrite the engine in C++ and implement the originally promised features.

Piet: You draw a masterful orange. You can't eat it and it does nothing.

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>>43328523
we esoteric now?
chef:
ingredients: 1 orange
put the orange into a bowl
mix everything in the bowl
bake the orange for 20 minutes
enjoy your orange

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shakespeare:
you write a poem about your orange

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LaTeX: There are old and tested tools for eating tangerines, but not oranges exactly. You try to adapt said tool for oranges, discovering how impossibly terse the old tool is. You use it anyway, and the orange is transformed into a hollow marble sculpture of various fruits.

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>>43328855
No, this thread is retarded and you are retarded for thinking it is epic and any bit above Reddit memes.

Swift: You try to eat the orange with your new-fangled safely cutlery, but then you can only peel the skin at the rate of 1 cm2 per second. You remove the protective coating of your cutlery, and they accidentally slips into your anus and starts vibrating. The orange falls onto the floor and explodes into beautiful colours, leaving you moaning on the floor and twitching in a pool of magically designed tang. There now remains no barrier of abstraction and performance cost between the orange and you.

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Haskell: You come to the conclusion that oranges are merely lists of slices, in doing so you additionally recognise that eating a single slice is merely a functional action. Upon understanding this you slice the orange and foldr it into your mouth, unfortunately you run into a seed so your function is only partially applied

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C#: You eat your orange relatively quickly and efficiently, your friend asks for an orange,you pass one to him nut he lacks the ability to eat orange. He installs monorange. Great. You pass him the orange. You watch for 2 hours as he slowly begins eating the orange. You forgot monorange lacks the proprietary peeling framework and your friend crashes. He eats a strawberry instead as it doesn't require the peeling framework

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Shakespeare: You tell an elaborate story about the orange and go on to become one of the most accomplished story tellers of your time.

Object Pascal: You eat the orange as fast as C++ with about half the preparation time but nobody cares to appreciate it because you want them to pay serious money to watch. Your circle of friends soon narrows to consist exclusively of Europeans who once saw a bootleg VHS of your orange-eating techniques.

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Magpie: you should be making video games. Instead, you invent a new way to eat an orange.

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OCaml : you grate the orange until orange is empty

Clojure: You peel an orange only to find that inside it has coffee instead of juice.

Atmel AVR: You try to load the orange into the random-access me

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>>43329458
I think you mean
part_that_isnt_a_peel.eat()

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>>43324692
>you decide to only chew through your lips, so your teeth do not actually touch any orange
wat

>>43329860
No, I'm calling the eat function on part_that_isnt_a_peel.
I would have to convert it too an ingredient-list before adding to it with the eat function.

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Go: You conjure up eight people from thin air whose only purpose in life is to remove the peel from orange segments. You quickly slice the orange into eighths and throw one to each person. You begin eating the orange when you are first thrown back any segment of it, sans peel. The people each disappear back into thin air as soon as they have finished their task.

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>>43330164
C is the Minecraft of programming languages.

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>>43330164
>You eat your orange faster than your friend Guido did, and he already owns a robot that cuts up the orange and places it in his mouth for him.

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Lua: You can amend your method of eating an orange very conveniently.

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C++ & QML: You can't find any oranges because it's taking the supermarket a lifetime to restock them. Also, you have suddenly grown morbidly obese.

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Scheme: You eat the orange by eating a segment. You eat the orange by eating the rest of the segments, unless there are no segments in the orange. You eat the orange.

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Gtk+ 3: You can describe in verbose detail how you're going to eat the orange, the method of which will surreptitiously stop working the next month.

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>>43324409
>Java
You feed the orange to a machine that describes you what it tasted like.

Bash: You put on a table: a mechanical arm to take orange from a fridge; a cutting device; blender; cup dispenser; cup filler. Then you connect everything with rubber tubes and push the button. Immediately after you realize that you forgot to get rid of peel. You smash everything and insert debris shredder in the middle. 20 min later you finally get a cup of fresh orange juice.

>>43330689
I was waiting impatiently for this one.

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>>43329621
>because you want them to pay serious money to watch
Free Pascal. The last point is true for it too, though.

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>>43330689
bash : you setup everything to peel the orange the it doesn't work because you did not space your items correctly

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JavaScript: you rip off a peel with ease, cut orange into slices and pick one in anticipation. Your orange turned out to be a lemon. Because, your knife can only cut lemons.

Prolog:
Yes.

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Erlang: You open a fridge and take an orange. Orange fall off from your hand. You open a fridge and take an orange. Orange fall off from your hand. You open a fridge and take an orange. You put orange on table and take a knife. Then you cut yourself. You open a fridge and take an orange. Orange fall off from your hand. You suicide in despair. Your parents start to make a new baby in hope that next time it will do better with oranges.

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C+=: You check your non-fuit privilege, castrate yourself, and asks for the orange's consent for eating it. The orange accuses you of rape, and you go to jail whilst feeling content that the Patriarchy has been checked and womyn worldwide can feel safe this day.

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What's up with all the erlang hate?

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>>43331479
>the LGBTQQIMUTYGG!RExxXXNoSCOPExxXX_ community

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PHP: You decide to give oranges to entire world. You hire a dozen Injuns and explain them instructions in broken mexican. Then you give them a box full of oranges. Every time a customer asks for juice they pray to the Orange God with your instructions, swallow an orange and spit juice back. Sometimes yout customers got vomit instead.

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Java:
You decide that you want an orange, but since you might want to eat more oranges in the future you decide to get an entire orange tree instead. However, you might also want to eat other fruits in the future, so you consider getting a gardener that can plant any fruit trees. But since you also might want to have non-fruit trees, you decide to start a gardener school for lovals to bevome gardeners of specific trees so you can pick the ones that can plant the trees you want. But then you realize that you might want to educate other topics as well, so you start a school that can teach teachers so you always have the teachers you want, no matter what you want to teach. After building the teacher school you realize that you forgot to do the tpaperwork, so you do all the paperwork at once while the entire rest grinds to an halt. Fifty years later you decide to terminate the entire project since it takes too long.
You still don't have an orange.

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>>43331479
> LISP
right in the ol' lisp feels.

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TI-BASIC
You pick an orange from the fridge. Not just any orange, but a $150 one that's been genetically engineered to be peeled by a TI-KNIFE© only. After spending far too much time learning the differences between the TI-KNIFE© and a normal one, you create a procedure to easily peel the entire orange with one stroke. You are so proud of your work that you begin to share this method with your friends, only to realise they do not own the latest TI-ORNG© which is unable to be cut by the TI-KNIFE©. You then spend the rest of your hobby time creating alternate methods to peel the various TI-ORNGs©

>>43331479
Are saying that womyn can't be LGBTQQIMUTYGG!RExxXXNoSCOPExxXXers?

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>>43327943
After some digging through forums, you've found that resetting the machine is an absolute requirement. But its reset can indeed be externally automated, after applying a registry tweak.

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Mathematica/Wolfram Language: Simply apply the built-in function
ConsumeOrange[orange,Method->"Medieval"]

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Arduino: You eat an orange while trying desperately to not touch the fake moustache, eyebrows and theatrical makeup that hides the fact you're C++. You inevitably fail and your true identity is revealed.

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>>43331939
CG: tries to do its own unique way of cutting the orange, but upon closer inspection it just tells GLSL to do it.

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>>43330865
I was waiting for something like this. Thanks anon

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Jan paweł 2 gwałcił małe dzieci xDDDDD pozdro

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>>43332780
Its an artist on hentai foundry

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>>43324456
>No automatic garbage collection.

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>>43328523
>does nothing
anon pls
working on an orange now but I'd forgotten how tough it is to work in piet (and the color orange isn't one of the instruction colors so I can't do something fun involving that). It doesn't help that the only ide I have on me at the moment is browser-based

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FORTRAN: Find Doc and ask him to take you in his DeLorean back to 1980. Grab a bunch of oranges, an orange reading machine, and a hole puncher. Read in a 2500 page book how to properly punch holes in an orange. Attempt punching holes in the orange, then send it into the orange reading machine. The machine spits out a paper via dot matrix printer that your hole punching was wrong. Get the orange back and attempt to consult the 2500 page book as to what went wrong. Find an error, fix it, and return it to the machine. Repeat this process about 47 more times until you've finally punched it correctly. Then eat the orange.

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The archives should start having a special sub section for legendary threads
I have displaced my sides

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>>43335229
Agreed. This is definitely "best of /g/, 2014" territory.

Someone make openGL version of this <3

arch linux: the orange stops working

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Haskell: Yeah, I can show you how to eat the orange, but I'm not really in the mood to eat one yet.

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Python
import immigrants
eat orange

>>43335602
Arch : You eat the orange while it's still green, you laugh at the plebs who need to wait for it to ripe before eating it.

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>>43324376
visual basic, you eat a bag of orange slice candy

>>43324488
COBOL: You get paid $300K a year to peel oranges for a bank.

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Python: You put the orange on the skin or else you get PEP 8 again.

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>>43324609
C: You eat an orangeb)@ÃckU*4Aôÿ¿

>>43324609
Then you slowly consume your fingers, hand, and the rest of your body, because you forgot to manage some miniscule detail.

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Editing existing c++:
You take half an apple and the bottom half of a pear. You grab a needle and thread and stitch them together. You paint the concoction orange in the hope that it looks and tastes like an orange. This does not work at first, so you try time time and time again until your fingers bleed from pressing against the needle. One day you figure it out and just stick to eating normal oranges in the future.

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CSS: You start to peel the orange. Suddently, you find half an orange stuck in your window.

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>>43332807
>you discover there is no space left and you die
Holy fuck my sides are on venus

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Vimscript:
You grab an orange and tell the orange everything about itself and how it will be eaten in minute detail which takes all day and will leave you extremely hungry, but will always result in you being able to eat one extremely delicious orange at a time, but at record speed, especially every orange after the first.

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ARM7 Assembly:
You sit at a table in the kitchen. In front of you are thirty-two doll plates in a neat row. You are holding a doll knife and fork.
You try to start eating the orange, but you don't have it in front of you. You get up from the table and walk over to the counter hoping the orange is there, but it isn't. You keep walking to the refrigerator, open it, and see the orange. You cut a half inch off the top of the orange and set it on the counter, leaving the rest of the orange in the refrigerator. You cut a tiny piece from the chunk on the counter, bring it back to the table, and set it on one of the plates.
In order to separate the peel from this tiny piece you create a bit of peeled orange from nothingness and put it on another of your plates. You AND this with the first piece and store the resulting peeled bit of orange back in the refrigerator. You repeat this procedure hundreds upon hundreds of times, until the entire orange is rebuilt in a peeled state in the refrigerator and the peel has vanished. You cannot eat the orange because it's too large to fit in your mouth.

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>>43341963
this is spot on, I love it, it's great.
>you think about taking it to show your grandmother
lol

>>43329890
No an orange is an eaterable so you can just call the eat() method on it

>>43344776
There isn't a full orange in play anymore.
I've removed the outer cover of the orange from the OrangeList, and now I only have to call eat on the part of the orange I have left.
Orange is an eaterable, but the piece of the orange is not.
Is it your first time eating an orange or something?

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>>43337154
damn. I swear I was thinking the same thing

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Dylan: first off, you grab some paper. On one page, you write down the names and descriptions of all the tools you'll need to peel the orange. On another, you write down the names of all the stores you'll be buying the equipment from. You put the orange and the papers into a box and label the contents, then you recreate the universe but leave out all the bits that don't pertain to peeling oranges.

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>>43327740
>i-i can't even, my sides are gone.
Back to tumblr!

Swift: 🍊 🔪

>>43333647
M-x list-packages
mark orange-eat with I
x
C-x-v-.emacs
(require 'orange-eat)
C-x-s
M-x-load-orange-eat

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Max/MSP: You drag the orange into a chalk rectangle you’ve drawn in front of your refrigerator. Then, using word magnets on the door, you describe the exact location of the orange. Magically the orange appears in the fridge on 0th shelf. You’ve already lined the edge of the door with explosives. You slam the fridge with a sledgehammer, igniting them. As the door blows open, a black plastic retractable tube extends out from the fridge. The orange falls into the tube and rolls onto an adjacent white plastic table. On the table is a sleek box with a round opening on two sides, exactly the size of an orange. The box is labeled “peel 1”. The orange rolls into the box through one opening and emerges from the other without a peel. The peeled orange then rolls through another black tube and off the side of the table. As it falls, it happens to land perfectly onto a radial arrangement of knives that correspond with each section of the orange. The sections are perfectly separated, but just before they hit the ground, they are magically transported to a point in mid-air 15 ft. above the stage at an illegal loft performance space in San Francisco. You notice that somebody has written the letter “s” on the ground where they would have landed. The sections fall into a proprietary orange section launcher connected to the performer’s PowerBook running a custom driver for the machine written by his friend at Mill’s College. The sections are sorted and placed on individual metal launcher arms. They cock back with an awkward jerky movement, but once positioned, they smoothly launch the orange sections into equally divided portions of the audience.

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>>43346579
There’s an off-by-1 error and one portion of the audience doesn’t get any orange, but everybody’s too confused to notice. They can’t decide whether they like the taste of the orange. It’s kind of bitter, “but I think that’s how it’s supposed to taste.” After the show there’s a short, but glowing review in The Wire. A few guys on a forum talk about how oranges aren’t very interesting anymore.

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>>43324570
>Forth
Can i try?
orange peel eat forth:

>>43324376
QBasic: You pick up an orange, peel it, wash it, peel it, slice it, You pick up an orange, you eat it, slice it, you eat it.

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>>43328822
If you're still taking about peeling an orange, then it sounds like you're talking about trying to code in Fortran

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>>43341691
>Coding Horror: It's not about the orange, but what you do with that matters
Heh.

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MATLAB: In order to pass the segments into your mouth, you create a pointer to the orange. Upon closer inspection, the pointer is actually a box containing both the orange and a meaningless memory address scrawled on a piece of paper.

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Mathematica: You begin by cutting into the orange at the stem. Steven Wolfram slaps you across the face. You try cutting into the orange at the base and he seems satisfied. Then you start to peel away the skin from left to right. Steven Wolfram slaps you across the face again. You try peeling from right to left, and this appears to please him. Breaking a segment from the orange, you nervously place it into your mouth. You are shocked to discover that it is in fact a slice of pear. Steven Wolfram knees you in the groin.

Batch: You bite into the orange, peel and all, while staring enviously at bash, who is piping his oranges into a blender and sending the juice into his mouth.

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Avisynth: You spend twenty minutes looking for a knife suitable for cutting the orange open. Eventually you give up and peel it with your fingernails.

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Python: you read an orange-eating manual for retards; you instantly know how to eat oranges forever and eat one.

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SourcePawn: You have been given a table. You smash the table into splinters and use one to pierce the orange. You squeeze what sustenance you can from the puncture.

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>>43324677
>You tell all your friends about your orange.
this applies for the entirety of /g/

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Embedded C: In your world, oranges are all subtly different from each other, each with different numbers of vesicles, stems attaching the orange to the tree at odd positions, specific vesicles which explode, and so on. If you try to eat two oranges in the exact same way, you will probably make a mess and get orange juice all over yourself. Sometimes you consult the datasheet for the orange and find out that you don't have time to learn how to eat the new orange, or that it doesn't meet your nutritional requirements to begin with. Sometimes your client tells you to turn an orange into an apple.

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Brainfuck: You smash the orange to pulp with a hammer, look at it and decide that you'd rather be eating apples instead.

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JavaScript: You fuck the process in about eight different ways but get no indication as such and the language emulates an orange taste in your mouth to ensure you really believe you ate it.

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SAP: You call a consultant.
He gives you some mediocre sliced oranges and a $10.000 invoice.

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>>43331479
The LISP one was gold, thank you.

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>>43346579
Blender:
You grab a ball. Using only your thumbs, you shape it into an orange. Next, you use some crayons to color it, and a toothpick to give it that orange-y texture. After completing your work, you dont eat the orange, but take many pictures of it with a complex and expensive camera+lights setup. You put the fake orange pictures in your portfolio and throw the fake orange away.

LISP: There's gotta be an orange somewhere inside all these layers of peels (((((((((((

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Vigil: You pray for an orange from some higher being, and it is given to you. In an attempt to peel the orange you have angered your gods and all oranges are erased from existence.

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Assembler:
Your whole body, including every single cell that is part of it, even bacteria and co, is paralyzed and someone who will apply electric current to various parts of your body that are involved in the process of eating the orange will be doing so according to minute instructions you have prepared for them beforehand.

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Erlang: Upon peeling the orange, you split the orange into its segments and attempt to eat them concurrently, but for some reason they're rock hard. You remember that the segments are immutable and instead replace the slices with chewed ones before finally being able to swallow them.

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>>43349892
>You bite into the orange, peel and all, while staring enviously at bash
That feels surprisingly accurate.

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>>43327659
Python: You eat the orange in it's entirety. It is a good orange, and you eat it slowly enough to savor it. Then people tell you your orange eating method sucks because they can eat the orange much faster

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Haskell: Instead of eating the orange directly, you imagine a universe where the orange has been eaten. A supernatural being makes the orange disappear in front of your eyes while you taste the juice.

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>>43352992
Close parens maybe would (if you don't use whitespace to align shit and keep it clean) but if open parens are stacking up like that then you have bigger problems than just readability

>Scala
You start out with a fairly simple loop to eat each orange slice. You soon see that you could generalize your orange object a bit more, so you generalize your orange into a few traits to model Fruit, Citrus, Color, Taste, Juicable until eventually your entire orange is just a lump of things that somewhat pertain to fruits mashed together. You then realize that instead of eating each slice individually, you could just fold the orange up into an incredibly small, squished orange and eat it in one bite. You do just that, but the orange never passes through your digestive track. Your body rejects the disgusting orange-like mass and you vomit. You proceed to hand your vomit to your boss as a finished project and tout it's capability to interact with people who eat oranges the Java way.

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LOLCODE: You do not possess the brain power to eat the orange. You post an epic maymay about it on 9gag.

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>>43353310
The most close parens I've ever had is 5 or 6, which is because of things like unwind-protect and let.

Malbolge:
The orange eats you.

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Action Script:
Your reach for the orange but as you want to bite into it you realize that you are actually holding a gun, which you shoot at wherever a floating arrow is pointing at.
You have no idea where the zombies have come from either but one of the female ones looks really sexy and has a pleasure bar over its head. When you peer at it to see if there is anything on it you can interact with, it's crotch is highlighted by a yellow rectangle, if you do it again its breasts are highlighted by the rectangle, doing it once more highlights the whole world. You decide to interact and are teleported to a room that is plastered with advertisements which distract you while an STD ridden barebacker fucks you in the ass and then steals all your money and credentials.

Assembly: The orange sits upon the table. Before eating the orange you carefully calculate each and every muscle movement you will make to pick up, peel, and eat the orange. After deciding on the best way to eat the orange you make the exact movements you've planned, moving the molecules in your body in the most precise of ways. You've made a single mistake, however, and forgot to account for leaks. Orange juice leaks into your airway and you begin to cough and sputter. As time goes by, more and more flows into your lungs and a piece orange peel you didn't peel off because of incompetence gets lodged in your throat and you, not making the precautions to handle errors, turn blue, fall on the floor and die.
Nobody cares about your death, because in the end, you were just an old man that wanted to eat an orange as fast as he could.

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>PHP
You try to buy the oranges from the cashier, but they insist on only accepting USD $. You find a piece of string in your pocket and bizarrely the cashier takes the string and gives you your oranges and 12 dollars change. The orange comes with 3 different sets of instructions, each with a slightly different way of eating the orange but the end result is the same. You briefly skim over each of the instructions, think fuck it, how hard can it be to eat an orange? You take the orange and start sliding it up your anus, ignoring the notice that says you probably shouldn't be doing it that way. You realize your mistake half way through, but it's too late and you can't get the orange out.

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>Apple languages
An orange flavored cock flies into your rectum and goes all the way through you system until it reaches your tongue.
You rub your belly, going "mhhhhhhhmm" at the delicous orange taste and feel full and satisfied and everybody is commenting on the sleek, alumininium funnel you installed in your ass to make your body compatible with the fruit.

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>>43353659
But dude, the deeper you go the harder your vibrator runs.

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>>43355303
teledildonics is the most ridiculous word i've ever seen

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Get back to work Andrew

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Powershell: You find an orange, however upon closer inspection it's really just a peanut wrapped in orange cotton wool. When you try to peel it, it explodes, leaving orange juice everywhere. The peanut laughs at you. The orange juice smells like piss.

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damn, we hit the bump limit

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