June 8, 2012 · 10:48 am
Dear Anonymous,
First and foremost, thanks for the open letter that you have written to us. It now lies in File # CG/PR/2012/June/184/Home/?/432, and is currently in a corner of one of our babu’s desk. We are currently conferring with the PMO on which department the file should be sent to. Should we send it to the Home Ministry because you have disrupted the working of the state organisation. Or should we send it to the Ministry of Communication And IT as your actions fall under its preview. Better still, we think it should be sent to Ministry of Defence, as you guys have inadvertently waged a war against our websites. As we said, we are still waiting for Madamji to guide us in her infinite wisdom. You can submit an RTI (yes, we have that in India) application to know about the current progress.
Now to come to the points in your letter.
- You guys think using fancily worded actions like DDoS is going to deter us? Please ask Annaji. He has been bringing REAL people to Jantar Mantar and what not to get his Jan Lokpal bill done. He has been doing that for the last god knows how many months. But have we passed on the Lokpal yet? See. We don’t buckle under any pressure. Yes, at best we can dole out some freebies, but overall inaction is our patented gesture. So good luck with your DDoS and other acts of civil protest.
- Have you even seen the traffic numbers on these sites you guys hacked into? Hell, we came to know about the attack only when you guys told us about it. That too, the next day. Show us one useful, updated government web-site, and we will have that babu sacked.
- You mention traffic jam on internet. We don’t need it on internet, we have it in our everyday lives. Please go and get a life.
- You mention that torrents are used legitimately by millions of people. It may be so, but torrents are also used to distribute pornographic material. Did you not notice that we allow porn to be watched only in our elected state assemblies?
- Now, with a country whose population is a vast majority of youth, porn is detrimental to their moral fabric. We do not want them to grow into sex-maniacs and rapists. Do you want every Indian city to become a Delhi?
- What do you mean by file-sharing? Did you not know that people in India have to pay anywhere from Rs 100 to get their files moved in offices? Is not this action hitting the Babu’s stomachs? You do not have any right to take away their rightful incomes.
- We do not want to censor internet. We do NOT want internet. We don’t want the new generation to come together and mock our age-old wisdom by posting cartoons on Didi-ji and writing blogs on Sonia-ji. We don’t use internet at all. Montek-ji wanted internet in that new fancy toilet of his, but we have said a flat no. if the entire nation is on Facebook, Twitter and what not, who will work? How will this country progress? Already the Hon’ble CAG has reported an estimated 1.7 lac crores loss of national income due to people hooked onto the net and not working.
- Why do you say “A Great Man once said” and all. Don’t you know that it was told by Bal Gangadhar Tilak ji? Is Wikipedia blocked in your country?
- Denial of Basic rights? What is more basic than food, shelter and clothing? Have we given them to the people yet? We don’t mind the tonnes of grain that is rotting in our FCI godowns, but we will not give it away to the needy. That how we are. And Internet is not a basic human right, you morons.
- You are a bunch of faceless idiots. If what you think is right, why don’t you unmask and come and fight us in the open. (Not that it might help, but we can hook you up with Baba Rambev-ji).
By the way, please let us know in a closed letter whether you will be able to hack into Modi-ji’s laptop? We need some information on an urgent basis. Don’t worry, it will not be pro-bono, we can allocate some spectrum to you guys. Awaiting a reply on that.