How successful are you?
bycomet.wordpress.comIn some ways, I could say I'm successful. I have a stable source of income, a wife and I can afford to go on holidays. But, I feel that I'm an NPC. If I didn't exist, the world would be the exact same. When I think back on my twenties, I had a lot of dreams, now all of them have been broken and I settle for less...
Sometimes I feel that I just need to pick myself up together and decide what to do with my life. Find some new dreams I can achieve but instead I just stay in my own mediocrity doing nothing and wondering why nothing changes...
I don't think success necessarily correlates with the amount of wealth you have but it correlates with the amount of self worth you feel and how proud you are of what you did at the end of the day. It's way too easy though to enter a vicious circle where because you failed at something you just stop really trying. Like the author, I tried, I created a business, it failed spectacularly last year due to my own incompetence at managing people and now I'm just there regretting all that I did wrong and thinking that maybe I shouldn't even have tried.
I'm sorry for rambling, I'm probably writing this more for myself than for anyone else. I need to get up, stop pitying myself and find some new dreams to follow instead of just settling for mediocrity.
I really liked the NPC analogy. It's brilliant.
His definition of success reminds me of Bill Watterson's advice: http://zenpencils.com/comic/128-bill-watterson-a-cartoonists...
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Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential — as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.
You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them.
To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.
-- Bill Watterson (creator of Calvin & Hobbes)
Wisdom from Catch 22 author Joseph Heller, via Kurt Vonnegut and Vanguard founder John Bogle [1]:
<quote>
... At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, the late Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, the author Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch 22 over its whole history.
Heller responds, “Yes, but I have something he will never have . . . Enough.”
</quote>
(Extra paragraphing added.)
This is a really difficult question to answer as what you consider success will change as you age. I am not a success if I consider what I thought this meant at 20, but I am now pretty happy with what I have done. I have a fantastic wife, three great boys, a business I enjoy working in that allows me to support and enjoy my family, and I am healthy. This feels like success to me right now :)
Totally agree. I didn't get the success I thought I wanted in my 20s (some sort of tech mogul). I did get a different kind of success (small business ownership, flexible with direct customer relationships). Now that I have a family, I love the success I ended up with, but I would have been disappointed with it in my 20s. It is very hard to anticipate what you are really going to want.
As others have said, it all depends on what you define "success" as. Clearly the OP has done things that fulfill him.
Although the OP makes no mention of it, when I've talked with friends & family about "success" and all that, following dreams is great. One big thing to keep in mind is that the future is also uncertain. Retirement is the biggest thing that comes to mind. I have many friends who have foregone saving for retirement in order to follow their dreams, no matter how "irrational" that may be (I use quotes because that might not be the right term).
20, 30, 40 years down the road, who is going to be paying for retirement? It's great that "you" have memories of doing great things! But the bills have to be paid. Is it going to be your friends, who worked those boring, monotonous jobs? Will their 401k accounts be taxed so that they have to pay for your retirement? Will mine?
What about kids? I have family members who did follow their dreams to do whatever it is they want to do, and then start having kids. Without a solid job, boring or not, someone has to pay for the kids. Either it's charity from family, or it's the government via taxes.
Anyways, that's some things that I think about when these topics come up.
A critical issue in "following dreams" is the way in which people do it. Case in point: I have two close friends who decided to become poets. Not "poets" in the colloquial sense, i.e., liberal arts majors with no quant skills. Poets, as in people who hope to earn a living writing poetry.
One of those friends has been writing poetry her whole life, has become phenomenal at it, got into the Iowa Writers Workshop, has been published in the New Yorker on multiple occasions, and earns a respectable living in academia. The other abruptly quit his day job at the age of 33, declared himself a poet, and enrolled in some beginner's classes. I support his dreams, but I do not support the order in which he took those actions.
People often forget that chasing "dreams" is hard work, and it follows the same principles as chasing success by more conventional means. In fact, the less conventional of a career you chose, the more conventionally hard you'll have to work to make that career remunerative. Following your passion is a wonderful thing, but you need to do it sensibly, strategically, and skillfully.
That's what's keep people in those "boring" jobs rather than taking risk when they are around 30-ish.
That's a great misconception about the social net. It is considered a socialist idea, but really it has its place in capitalism too. Knowing that you do not risk being in the street with health cover for you, your wife, your kids and dependents is a great relief that stimulate people starting new businesses.
Obviously the downside is that other more (money-)conservative people will have to pay in taxes. However, that's a political scapegoat. The real reason why people complain they are being taxed to pay the lifestyle of others is mainly because middle class is slowly disappearing. They are getting poorer, an other people lifestyle is hastening that process, however not causing it.
I've got four healthy kids and a loving wife (for almost 27 years). We live comfortably and feel incredibly blessed ... what more could I ask for out of life?
I could not agree more. You are living is what I call quiet (or quietish) success.
Family is great but it isn't everything (for me). This ties into the other thread where the commenter says that success is possibly tired to country culture. From where I come from there are bazillion children, marriages are the norm...
Agree
As I'm getting close to the magic age of 30, the ultimate dream and goal for me right now is running my own business - not to get rich, but to be free and independent, to feel that I have accomplished something more that working for others, to create something on my own. It may change world, it may not - doesn't matter, it's yours and always will be yours. Sure, it may require more work, it may be more stressful - but I choose this over being a tiny cog in another's men machine for the next 10 or 20 years as my life is running through the hands.
I got there a little while ago and started my own little business (a mobile development company, predominantly for Android). I've had a startup, worked for fairly large web-name, done a bit of consulting, and worked freelance. The business is, by far, the hardest in terms of stress. I can't say I don't spend any time at all envying a few of my friends with stable jobs, salaries and work hours, but it's been an eye-opener in terms of personal growth and my own capabilities (occasionally a lack thereof) and I can't recommend it enough. My own endeavour may well still fail but I've learnt more about myself and my abilities than I'd ever have a chance to in a normal 9-to-5.
I had a recruiter contact me for a developer position recently at a good, interesting company. I politely declined, saying I'd started my own small company. He said again that it was a rare opportunity, likely to disappear, and began going through all their upsides again (or, at least, the ones he figured would appeal) and finished with "and they have a foozball table!"
I don't want to belittle fulltime jobs, fun working environments, or large companies, but in my opinion the chance at working for yourself - even if you suck at it - is worth more than regular access to a foozball table.
Best of luck with your dream. I'm pullin' for you, brother.
Stories from people like you - who decided to take the risk, start a business and succeed - really motivates me to move forward. I'm currently working with my friend on a project in my free time while having a full-time day job and yes, sometimes I question if it's worth it. It's been half a year now, we're very close but man, am I tired - and I know it won't end when we'll be able to work full time on it. Yet, at the same time, I am happy as never - I absolutely love working on my own, to me it's pure mental freedom.
I hope one day I'll be able to be at your position and say "I run my own business" :)
I am about to jump from safety of the regular salary, and do something similar. I'll be 30 in a few months and have always wanted to do this. Just curious how did your journey into biz-owner begin, and what was the biggest shock?
I ended up working as a developer for an digital agency based in Toronto. It was relatively small (~10 people, in total) but catered to some huge clients. I realised that, with experience in freelancing (managing my own time and projects), consulting (working with non-technical clients on technical projects) and development itself, my skillset was varied enough that the jump from freelancer to simple subcontracting to business owner shouldn't actually that large a move. Once I thought of that, not doing it seemed impossible. I can't say it's been as smooth-sailing as I thought but I've been doing it for a little 2 years now and we're still here.
The biggest shock was probably the amount of time it takes to simply manage the business. While I was used to a degree of bookkeeping and simple project management from freelancing, I wasn't quite prepared to spend a fifth of my time managing the everyday flow of the business, as I find myself doing now. It's a natural progression, but I still can't say I'm quite used to it. I am better at planning for it though, and ensuring that my time spent project managing is taken into account. Hope that helps.
I'd love to be able to pick your brain, my email is in my account page. I've been struggling on a similar path, just trying to find clients actually.
When you have your own business, you are never free or independent. You will work harder and more hours than you ever worked for anyone else. Your business will always be on your mind and you will have that occasional, or constant, fear of everything going bad.
That you might feel happier working for yourself is a personality trait that you, and I, may have but not everyone does. You may find you don't have it either once you start your own place.
Freedom of time and pursuit for as long as you wish is the only wealth for many. It can be lost how large this silent majority is.
I've got money, a house, cars, flexibility to take whatever time off I need, international travel ... all I want in life. Except no wife or kids.
Not feeling very successful right now.
Perhaps a more valuable question: how many people sit down, hopefully starting early in life, to define what success is to them? And how many people keep reevaluating that definition?
If being successful means getting what you want, what people seem to want is relatedness, competence and autonomy, whatever that translates to for each person.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-determination_theory#Basic...
If you're feeling down on yourself I highly recommend a quick, short, and entertaining read called The Underachiever’s Manifesto: The Guide to Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0811853683/ref=as_li_ss_tl?... (Affiliate Link)
Edit: Affiliate free link: http://www.amazon.com/Underachievers-Manifesto-Accomplishing...
I had the opportunity to take a high stress, really well paid job at a successful company (tech in a professional services org, not a tech co, 60% more pay). They picked someone else after previous interviews, but approached me again after the other person moved up. They had this "we stay late" culture and I couldn't bring myself to take it.
For me, I took satisfaction from knowing I made that decision, and felt like I actually had control of my destiny somewhat.
At what point are you supposed to be successful, age wise?
I'm 21 and my net worth is about 20 times more than most people my age (putting me in the top 0.05% of the world by income). But I definitely don't feel successful (no real relationships in my life), but maybe that's okay—plenty of time to figure things out in the future.
I'm pretty sure you are always supposed to feel you are successful in some way. If not, than you should have something you progressing towards/working on that WILL make you fell successful.
Why would you keep doing something that doesn't make you feel successful if you have no real obligations?
Another interesting question if I may: Why does one feel the need to be successful? Or maybe one needs to simply be satisfied?
Goals in life are obviously personal, but I've observed they're very much influenced by the culture of the country.
USA is a country where there is tremendous pressure to be successful, purely for the sake of being successful. This is mad for me, and I am strongly against this attitude, but it's factual.
There were interesting comments in a post, a short time ago, comparing the cultures in USA and New Zealand. The latter would fit very much in what you would define as "be satisfied".
It's mostly the typical division of A and B-type personalities.
My personal opinion is that to live in a very fulfilled way a bit of both is required. One needs a bit of "success" to overcome some inevitable obstacles, and a the sime time, "satisfied" to get a true feeling of himself and what's around him.
The excessively laid-down people I've met were afflicted with subtle and not immediately visible problems. As a matter of fact, one needs to carve his space in life, otherwise he's going to be very limited, if not crushed.
The type of problems which affect the opposite type of attitude are more "visible" - mostly, neurotic behavior.
I think there is some deep rooted competitive drive in most folks. Most people are constantly comparing themselves to others as the article explains. It takes a fair amount of self awareness and restraint to stop doing this.. The benefit though is that you feel much more free to be happy with your life. Envy is a terrible disease
If getting home by 5.30 is important, you should look into moving to Sweden, 6 hour work day ? Also free health care and blondes!
Not for Software Engineers. Never for software engineers.
Most European software teams have a strict "no over time" policy that's both respected and enforced. Some company's even turn off the Astrix and e-mail servers at night.
We all know what kind of shit code you produce after working to long, it's not helping anyone if you do that every week.
Engineering should be striving towards excellence, not creating more shit and more work for everyone.
In Austria and Germany ~40h/week work weeks are common even for developers (lived more than 8 years in both combined and worked as a programmer in several companies almost this entire time). Usually If you work more than 40h in one week you can compensate by working fewer hours in the next one.
I think this is common to all EU countries, save for maybe the UK (don't know, but they seem to be a bit less socialist than continental western europe).
The EU's Working Time Directive provides a right to work no more than 48hrs per week. In my experience, while I agree that here in the UK it's a little less socialist, I believe it's rare to see excessive hours. Most (anecdotally) office workers work around 40hrs/week; including developers and engineers.
I'm in the UK, do 37 hours, home by 4.45 each day, don't let anyone tell you you need to work every hour in the day to succeed.
Same here, apart from I'm home by 6pm, but I cruise in at 10am
A hearty fuck you on behalf of all European engineers doing unpaid overtime :)
And a hearty fuck you you should give to those making you do unpaid overtime :)
Nah, we never get the blondes :(
blondes?
-2/10 :/
What definition of success do you use?