Ask HN: What would you do to improve this landing page?

I would summarise the first paragraph of text to something that sells the key advantage it has over thousands of other social things: find people at the same location as opposed to your friends. Better yet, figure out why this is important / beneficial / awesome and write this instead (hopefully you already know why it is). One possible way to do this is by leading with a few common use cases in which it's particularly helpful. If you can find a single benefit that covers the majority of the use cases, that's even better.

Ideally, you'll then also find an even better header to replace "Connect and share with everyone at your event!". This headline and its paragraph answer what I can use your app for - which can be enough - but we still need to translate it ourselves to a reason why I want to use it. Make this translation for us.

If this is hard, try first writing a version that doesn't use any of these words: "social" "share" "connect" and "platform". Also try directly copying the value proposition from your business plan (do you have one?), then tweak it a bit grammatically to make sense in its new context. These two exercises should help you see different possibilities of what to do with it.

(I also recommend making it easier to read - perhaps it's because it's night and I dimmed my screen's brightness a lot, but the background of the black text is too dark for me to read easily.)

Does that help?

1. Remove the navbar background color, make the <a>s (Login, Register) contrast with the background options (login and register), and keep the logo.

2. Remove the second, larger logo. It's redundant.

3. Move 'download on the App Store' lower on the page. The value proposition should come first; people don't know what they're about to download yet.

4. More descriptive value proposition - connect how? Share what with everyone?

5. Larger font and higher contrast for body text.

6. More concise body text, less jargon. Check grammar and spelling ('share with others at who are at')

7. Change 'Register' button copy to something more descriptive. People might think they're registering with Facebook (sad, I know). Try 'Sign-up using Facebook' or 'Join via Facebook' etc.

8. Give the registration buttons, or your main call-to-action, some depth. I get flat design, but here an affordance would help.

9. Remove the Learn More button and its bouncing. You want people to sign-up. If people want more information, they'll see that they can scroll.

10. Mention that the app is free in the value proposition above-the-fold.

11. Use the Learn More section to describe the benefits and address your audience's interests; don't use it to tell them where they can download the app - unless it's at the end; you already told them this.

12. Less text for each section of 'Learn More'

13. Remove 'Recent Images' - some of them make me wonder what kind of app this is.

Last, A/B test the page.

Review copy prior to publication.

"Muro is a social event photography platform that allows you to connect and share with others at who are at the same event as you."

You should modify the last subheading to begin with a verb as you do for the first three; otherwise you disrupt the flow of the step-by-step process. ie: "View everyone's photos together."

Have the screenshot on the phone itself transition and the phone background persist.

*edit for clarity

Visually too noisy.

The bouncy "learn more" button gets in the way, and gives a cluttered feel to the front page. I can see you want me to click on it, but I think it's too much. (Real user testing may prove me wrong on this point). Maybe have the arrow next to "Learn more" pulse gently instead.

The text on the first screen uses hard-to-read colours, needs proofreading ("with others at who are at"), and badly needs rewriting. Too many words. Too many "platforms" (they're a kind of shoe, aren't they?). Takes far too long to communicate the benefits. Here's my rough rewrite:

====

Share it live!

See photos of what's going on around you. Hook up with the people taking them.

====

You also need some much, much more exciting content for the phone screen mock-up. What am I missing out on by not having Muro?

Stuff below the fold is pretty good but, again, rewrite. To be honest, you suck at copy. Either read a book about writing copy for the web, or find someone who can write it for you.

1) It seems sorta crowded. I think a lot of websites are crowded, and people undervalue space.

2) I'm still not really sure what exactly it does. Just shows you all the pictures that people who are at the same event as you have taken? Is it convenient to sign up? Is it interesting to see these pictures? Can you meet the people who took them?

3) I don't think the "Learn more" button is necessary. People know that they could learn more by scrolling down. A rule of thumb for design that I believe in is that if it's not really necessary, don't include it (http://37signals.com/svn/archives2/it_just_doesnt_matter.php). Because the cost of added complexity doesn't outweigh the value its presence has.

4) The "Download in the App Store" button seems like it could be placed in a more logical place.

1) The Register call-to-action isn't clear what the result will be. Does it create an event? Will it let me download the app? How is this different than creating an account in the app? Can I not create an account in the app?

2) The floating "Learn More..." is unnecessary. People know how to scroll.

3) The alternating layout communicates that they're separate features rather than steps in a process. I would explore different ways to communicate the steps.

4) Make it very clear the problem your app is solving. Like petalpete mentioned in his suggestion, "event" is vague and generic. Try to use terms that clear and specific like concert, holiday party, etc.

5) Maybe consider curating the recent images. Some of them are fairly low quality.

The other posts have covered the copy/design issues pretty thoroughly, but they largely ignore something I've found devastates conversion: you have not one, not two, but FOUR calls to action above the fold.

Users are more likely to take an action, if there is one clear route they should take. I'm very confused about where to start: should I register or download the app? If I'm correct that this is a mobile app, then you're probably best off having them download your app, then having them register through there. A facebook registration without an app download is useless. Someone who downloads the app, on the other hand, is much more likely to become an engaged user.

also for crying out loud WHY IS THERE AN ANIMATED BUTTON christ

Instead of speculating about what may or may not perform better, are you actually collecting analytics data? Are you tracking clicks on the AppStore link, the Register link, and all other calls to action?

Once you have accurate tracking set up you can A/B test many of the suggestions here (using something like Optimizely or Visual Website Optimizer) to see what works best. Otherwise you'll just be changing from one guess to another.

I do this sort of thing (conversion optimization). Get in touch and I'll be happy to give more pointers.

I would drop the blurred image background. It adds too much visual noise and makes it hard to scan the page to see what the app is about.

The black text is too small and not contrasty enough so I don't even feel like reading it.

The primary focus is the Facebook button but is that what you want? Don't you want people to download the app above all else? I think the primary focus be given to the App Store button which means it should be given more weight and prominence on the page.

I'm sure others will give you details about information you could provide but I'll give you some feedback design wise. First of all the Facebook button just looks odd, it could be my browser but the "F" looks really weird and doesn't look like a normal Facebook button. Also the bouncing learn more is distracting. I like the midsection quite a lot and the details are great. I guess the header section could still use some work.

I agree with a lot of the other thoughts. Specifically, the first paragraph needs to be shorter and clearer. (There is also a typo in it "...with others at who are at the same event...")

Also, I would suggest changing the main button from "Register" to "Get Started" or something else.

More contrast between the text and the background in your hero box.