Happiness Is a Skill You Can Build
domofutu.substack.comHappiness is fleeting and empty emotional calories. I recommend abandoning it as a goal entirely.
Satisfaction is the North Star. Difficult things don’t bring happiness but doing them well brings satisfaction. Climbing a mountain, completing a hard bike ride. Finishing a project.
In this way the optimal path through a difficult situation brings satisfaction making the whole experience worthwhile.
Satisfaction is lasting, deep and meaningful. It grants meaning even to suffering and unhappiness.
Being sore doesn’t bring happiness, but it’s a reminder of work done well. Unpleasant circumstances don’t bring happiness, but handling them well creates that other emotion.
Building something is satisfying, loving and being dependable are satisfying, being professional and doing good work… You get the idea.
You can keep your happiness. I’m taking the next level.
In my experience I have found this to be entirely true.
I find happiness to be "the art of expectation setting", and the "art of reframe".
Mindfulness meditation and introspection help a lot.
But, becoming "good" at this skill comes with a particular loss, of which I have some wistful feelings for.
Life no longer feels like it is happening to me. I do not experience large swings of emotion, great loss, unexpected turns, high highs, low lows. Music doesn't hit like it once did.
I have traded the turbulence of life for predictable, stable growth. It is less exciting, and I have mourned the loss of my previous way of seeing, but I am much happier now.
> I have mourned the loss of my previous way of seeing
That’s also a skill or you can call it a perspective, which can be acquired!
I relate to this a lot, the unhappiest people I know are the ones who are constantly shocked by obvious events happening in predictable ways. Yes, that car that is itching to get into the lane will, in fact, merge into that lane, why are you losing your shit instead of taking the foot off the gas so they can safely merge in, and instead spend your time honking, yelling, and driving aggressively close to "show them". Weird-ass behavior, and those people never radiate happiness even in a completely unbothered state.