Bits of Advice for 30 Years
arne.meI think in my 20s, I intellectually knew every piece of good advice I would send back in time now that I'm in my mid 40s, because I'd read it on lists like these, or in books, movies, etc.
The difference is that I could not put it into practice at the time, maybe because I lacked sufficient experience.
For example, I've always known in theory that nobody is paying as much attention to what you think is most embarrassing about yourself, because they are too busy being embarrassed about whatever they think they're doing wrong. I knew that, but it didn't matter, I was still self conscious.
Now, I've just done so many reps of fucking up in public and seeing the almost total lack of ramifications, or the swift passage of those ramifications from my world, that I actually believe that advice at a core level, it can actually affect my behavior and make me content. I guess it's the difference between knowing and grokking. And, to be sure, I would have been embarrassed to use the word grok in my 20s.
I'd liken it to feeling tired of feeling bad. After so many cycles of negative emotions at some point the brain gives up and embraces the thing it "knows" but hasn't internalized because it's the only way to escape to greener fields.
>I think in my 20s, I intellectually knew every piece of good advice I would send back in time
Reminds me of lyrics from The Human League "Soundtrack To A Generation":
Years have gone on in between But all I knew at seventeen Is all I know now Through times of joy and suffering The music flavours everything That's all I know now
Dude is 30 and thinks he is in a position to give out life advice... I'm 37 and nothing is figured out. Maybe wait another 30 years.
Of course you can be 30 and give advice. Is there a rule where you have to be a certain age to give advice?
Even if you're 10 years old, you are allowed to write on the Internet and no need to police yourself with arbitrarily "waiting".
Also an argument extrapolated on your own experience of 37 that nothing is figured out is not very good argument against when you can or cannot say something.
Yes, if you took my comment extremely literally and removed all humour your points would all be correct.
Ah my bad, sometimes hard for me to see that.
Just as Olaf the snowman sings in Frozen II, "This will all make sense when I am older ... 'Cause when you're older absolutely everything makes sense"
I’d argue that this is mostly a collection of other people’s live advice.
I’d agree with that. A quick skim says there’s nothing in that list I haven’t heard elsewhere. That doesn’t invalidate TFA, it is advertised as “collected bits”. But most does not appear to be original with the author.
It’s more or less a collection of aphorisms that I would find in a book sitting on the back of my parents’ toilet.
You're not wrong IMO. Sticking out a burst of short sentences as wisdom based on... 30. Isn't sticking.
This sounds more like advice that he's gathered or been given that seemed the best to him. I think that's fair. People give young people advice a lot. Also becoming a dad makes one feel quite a bit older. Now it would be interesting to see him reflect back on these in 30 years...
Turning down advice on the principal that someone is "only 30" is going to leave you missing out on lots of good advice as well. People, regardless of age, may have insights that you lack. Throwing it out wholesale is as foolish as blindly accepting it.
Agree that taking real life experience and wisdom from people is good regardless of age. This blog is just generic quotes though.
I feel many people are more interesting in their 30s when they are still full of dreams and idealism than in their 50s after two marriages, a mortgage and a lot of hairloss.
For some the hairloss comes in the 20s
The dreams and idealism loses its luster after you've seen it play out enough times. The people in 50s should, on the other hand, have more mature and nuanced perspectives.
I just turned 54 and I'm only starting to figure things out.
> It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.
Not completely true.. recognition of awkwardness also signals people that you're socially conscious to understand an action was not appropriate/good. The right thing to do in an awkward situation.. has no easy rules to write down really.
> Keep a can-do mindset.
> Don’t get discouraged because of existing work. Instead, try to find ways to put your own spin on it.
> Always do extra.
> Surround yourself with people who are passionate about their work.
Seems like work is important to him. If it were my list, I'd add: "Don't make your work your life unless you're really sure this is what you want."
edit: also regarding
> Always do extra.
Which he explains as:
> One thing I've noticed over the years is that there is at least one thing that seems to be common to every good, veteran programmer I know. They all follow the same deliberate and dare-I-say selfish rule to how they approach their time: Always do Extra.
I think it's mostly the fact that after you've ran around the same barn enough times, you know what whistles and chimes to hang up after you're done building it. So it looks like you "did extra" but it's really just random stuff you've picked up over the years that you can do easily but is somewhat impressive looking. Still a good tip but I'd say it's less about motivation and just.. how it works.
edit2:
> Think of yourself as the person you want to be, not the person you are.
For motivation, sure. It's very important to know your own faults, insecurities, weaknesses etc. since knowing when you're wrong is just as important as knowing when you're right. Sometimes more.
I can't help but roll my eyes at that line. It's cargo culting at its best. Good programmers do extra because they enjoy it. If a person does not enjoy programming chances are they don't do it enough to be exceptional at it, and forcing themselves to "do extra" will not help and could backfire.
Advice is all about course-correction. Some people are too timid, others to arrogant. Some too impulsive, others too cautious. Some people should work harder, other people should be reminded there is more to life than work.
For any piece of good advice the opposite is also good advice, but for a different person! That’s what the author of this list doesn’t seem to get. Advice is about adjusting behavior in a specific direction, and that is very personal because the mistakes we make in life are personal.
Generic advice tends to have the opposite effect. It tends to confirm people’s biases. It makes people double-down on behavior that holds them back.
Some of this stuff isn't really insightful.
> It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.
Or THEY make it awkward.
> Don’t make your problems other people’s problems.
Well, yea... Also don't attack other people, and don't steal from other people, ...
> Help others succeed, and they’ll help you succeed in the long term.
Hard no. Many will take advantage of your time and advice, and never return the favor. Choose wisely who you help succeed.
> Don’t let your expenses rise as fast as your income.
Once again, very generic. Don't spend more than you make.
On the other hand, some of this stuff is actually never mentioned but useful
> Keep a brag document
> Under-promise and over-deliver.
"For me"
> Be kind first, be right later.
Being kind is good, we should not forget to stand up for what you believe.
> People care more about stories than facts.
It doesn't feel virtuous, in the end, what's true matters more than stories.
> Think of yourself as the person you want to be, not the person you are.
It's good to know who you really are, not just who you want to be.
> Surround yourself with people who are passionate about their work.
Being passionate doesn't always mean it's good. Even a passionate slave is still a slave.
> Think of yourself as the person you want to be, not the person you are.
I have always done this subconsciously, and although I can attribute a lot of my personal growth to this trait, it's also the source of a lot of self-loathing. If you can't accept the parts of you that differs from who you want to be, you'll spend a lot of energy focusing on perceived mistakes that others didn't even notice.
"I have no idea who i am but i get to know myself better each day"
This sentence helped change me from being close minded to open to new experiences
I'll be a bit adversarial in my own observation (as a 42 year old)
In my older experiences, people who'd climbed a mountain's worth of knowledge would be recognised. Nowadays, we tend to witness people climbing the mountain because the information is so freely available, and tbf, eminently marketable.
Tell me about it when you've reached the top.
There's plenty of us putting in the effort one way or another.
More accurate to say Smart people are curious - be curious.
Helping other people succeed guarantees nothing for you - people can be selfish - especially in business
Since romantic relationships are often an important aspect of one's life, I would also add: If you're interested in someone go talk to them.
You have to treat "Helping Other People Succeed" as iterated prisoners dilemma. The tit-for-tat strategy seems best in the real world. If you help and they defect, you have to defect in response. IE don't let them continue to take advantage of you. But you should cooperate first round.
> Helping other people succeed guarantees nothing for you
Sometimes helping people is an end in itself.
> Be kind first, be right later.
> Don’t make your problems other people’s problems.
> Read more books.
> It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.
> People care more about stories than facts.
> Don’t let your expenses rise as fast as your income.
> Less is more.
> Curious people are smart. Be curious.
> Don’t be afraid to look stupid.
> It’s never as easy as it looks.
> Perfection is the enemy of good.
> Under-promise and over-deliver.
This reads more like a list of clichés I can find on posters plastered on the walls of a depressing accounting office than actual life advice. Then again, I don't trust the advice of someone who's only made it to 1/3 of his life expectancy.
Reminds me of a quote I saw recently:
“It has gradually become clear to me what every great philosophy up till now has consisted of – namely, the confession of its originator, and a species of involuntary and unconscious autobiography; and moreover that the moral (or immoral) purpose in every philosophy has constituted the true vital germ out of which the entire plant has always grown.”
I think "philosophy" can be replaced with "advice" and it still applies.
all this is good advice but you need to be lucky to be surrounded by good people.
One day in a team meeting I spent 15 minutes trying to argue with 2 senior developers on why it didn't make sense to me how they had declared CSS "variables" like this --10px: 10px; and were using var(--10px) in various classes all over the CSS. Team manager was in the meeting, who was basically just sitting there and ignoring all the conversation.
I gave up and just approved the PR.
> Inspired by Kevin Kelly’s incredible 68 Bits of Unsolicited Advice [1]
> [1] The Internet Archive has the full version.
This makes me so sad, I remember reading Kevin's article back when it had the full 68 items, now it's been stripped down to the first 5 items and the rest (plus 450 more) are squirreled away into an Amazon book which he recommends people buy instead in the post. Isn't that awful? Thank god for the Wayback Machine.
Great list! I'm in my 50s and all of this resonates with me but when I was 30 I was missing a few. My top one at this point is "Help others succeed, and they’ll help you succeed in the long term." As I'm reaching the end of my career I can say that this behavior has been a winner 100% of the time.
Also along these lines, "Remember that there are people out there eager to help others." Early in my career I was afraid everyone was too busy to help, or too important to bother. Some surely were. But many people I thought were unapproachable were so enthusiastic to help and excited about sharing and taking about their work, and making opportunities with someone who wanted to learn. Now when I can I try to pay that forward. I don't think I've ever been in a position to pay back someone who helped me, but it's made me more grateful and generous.
> My top one at this point is "Help others succeed, and they’ll help you succeed in the long term." As I'm reaching the end of my career I can say that this behavior has been a winner 100% of the time.
You must not have helped too many people if everyone always returned to help you. Maybe you sorted out all the bad people before helping them.
>Don’t make your problems other people’s problems.
More importantly, don't make other people's problems your problems.
> Think of yourself as the person you want to be, not the person you are.
I would give somewhat different advice in place of this:
Lean to accept yourself for who you are, not as a work in progress toward becoming someone else.
"Your vacation starts when you leave your house and ends when you’re back in your house."
This is an odd one. Seems trivial, what does it mean?
I would assume it translates to "Don't check Slack in your Uber headed for the airport"
I'd guess vacation at home is not a vacation. You might have days off while staying at home but you are still occupied with "home stuff" in your mind.
You enter a different headspace when you leave the house. You reenter the "things must get done!" headspace when you come back.
I guess the wonderful thing about a 30yo proclaiming wisdom is what they'll say in 10 or 20 years time.
> always do extra
What do I get by doing that?
Did you follow the link in the footnote? [0] I thought it made the case for doing extra quite convincingly.
The gist of the argument is that it's worth spending some small proportion of your work time on exploratory work that might or might not pay off, as opposed to doing more "normal" work (another sprint task or whatever).
For me it described pretty well what I'd already been doing subconsciously for some time. I thought it was interesting to see it framed that way.
[0] https://www.bennorthrop.com/Essays/2021/always-do-extra.php
You get not being the first one laid off. You get better raises. You get earlier promotions.
Sometimes to be the first to laid off is better then to be laid off in the second or third wave. Could be easier to find new job is you are in the first wave.
31. Context is king.
Love it!
This is an amazing list. Thank you!
wash ur dong after every bang
Well this was useful in so much as it provides a link to someone else offering advice after actually living a life...
The hubris of the tech bro knows no bounds! lol