Seneca, Moral Letters 16.2

> Taking offense, however, is entirely in the perception. If I choose not to be offended by the words or deeds of another, whatever his intention may have been, then I will not be offended. If we could simply refuse to engage in drama and conflict about what we happen to dislike, our lives would be so much easier.

We do have some control over the matter, but we are human beings and can't nearly entirely control our emotions, and we have emotional needs that are as necessary as food and water. We need to be loved, among other things, and we care about other people.

The idea that we can choose otherwise might be philosophically interesting, but isn't healthy (those are generally good things, not problems) or necessary. Are we so afraid of pain that we try to shut down emotions of love and need? That seems the opposite of 'stoical', at least in the colloquial sense.