Show HN: Badges of kindness for your website footers, repos, and more
kindspeech.orgThis is so awesome and I definitely want to make a reply what I see here, I'm just sort of busy right now.
Aaaw, look at all the little neghead grinches come to hate on someone being kind. So all the people who want to pretend that anonymous strangers saying mean words is meaningless (so they can have cover to do that and unwarrantedly take out their own frustrations on others), also want to pretend that saying kinds words to others is meaningless. Checks out.
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To the wonderful author of this amazing creation:
No need to apologize. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. They had a negative reaction to you doing something positive or neutral, that was not targeting them. Their feelings, their reaction, are not your responsibility. Those things have nothing to do with you at all, and are all about them. It's not something for you to be sorry for, because it's not something you did. But I get if you've got your own emotion about seeing them react like this.
I've been there. Many times. Sharing work and feeling vulnerable and reading people's meanness. One thing I noticed about HN is it is sort of random how this happens. Some time, you share something, and whether it's great or not, people are super positive. Then another time, something is shared, and again, whether it's great or not, people are negative. It's a bit like the tides. Some sort of natural cycle. Which makes sense, I guess...these people's reactions are nothing to do with you...they're just seeking an outlet for some inner mess. It doesn't feel great to see my work as part of their negative experience, so I get it if you're also experiencing that. Just wanna say thanks for this, there are also very good people here, but more important than here, is you, and I hope you keep creating wonderful stuff like this! :)
I could get into the philosophical aspects of your "kindspeech" drive, but I rather ask about trust. Why should I trust you? Who are you? Where are you located? What are your plans with all the collected information from where your "kindspeech" tags are embedded?
Your domain registration information is mostly blank (not private). Unusual, as registrars are required to collect proper information. This brings you, and the registrar you use into question.
This does not build any confidence in me to embedded links to your site.
Hey WaitWaitWha, that's great feedback. You mentioned domain registration information and I can certainly edit that. I could also add information to the website where I explain who I am, say with my name and picture. Would that help? Are there other things I could do to increase your trust?
One thing I've done but isn't really advertised is open source the backend: https://github.com/kindspeech/api
These are good starts, yes.
I'm not a big fan of this. If a friend tells me I'm a good person, it means a lot. If a Starbucks coffee cup does it, it means precisely nothing. You don't know that; you're just saying it to be nice. It is not any sort of assessment, just empty words. At best it's nice, but it's not kind.
> If a Starbucks coffee cup does it, it means precisely nothing. You don't know that; you're just saying it to be nice.
It's actually worse than this. They're not doing it out of the kindness of their heart to be nice to you. They're doing it to manipulate your emotions to force a positive responsive with their interactions such that it increases your likelihood of paying them more money in the future.
They're not being nice to you, they're manipulating you.
While I am wary of the messages coming out of corporations, I do believe it’s possible for them to be nice, at least in some cases. In my view the intention behind the gesture is an important consideration. Did the person or group responsible for adding the message on the cup intend to increase sales? Or was kindness the motivation? Maybe it was both, and I think that already counts for something.
Can it mean more when someone who knows us intimately gives us a compliment? Absolutely. Can it mean less when it’s coming from a corporation whose primary intention is to receive your money? Yes, I think so too. Is knowledge a requisite for kindness? I don’t know you @nicbou but I know you deserve kindness, because everyone does.
If I’m understanding you correctly, you’re saying false praise is not kind. I see how that can be true. Telling someone they’re the best ice skater in the world when they’re not, for example, could be detrimental to them because of the unrealistic dreams or expectations that might create. I’m being very careful in curating the content of the badges and I don’t believe any of it would fall in the category of false or misleading praise. If you see one though let me know and I’ll consider changing or removing it.
I think you're missing the point. These messages are meaningless because they're robbed of any context or compassion. I won't feel wonderful and loved because a random string generator on a GitHub readme page tells me so.
If you tell me "I like your shoes", it will brighten my week. If I see you walking from person to person, telling every single one of them that you like their shoes, it won't feel like much of a compliment. It's not nice nor thoughtful. It's just noise.
You have the right spirit for trying to make the world a little brighter, but I don't think mass-producing generic compliments is the way to go.
You say seeing a badge like this on a website is just noise for you, fair enough. I simply have a different experience with this sort of thing. One example I used in another comment on this thread is random graffiti with a kind message. Those can and have brightened my day, and I don’t feel they are cheapened by the fact that everyone on the street sees them.
Though I can tell you “I like your shoes” isn’t in the rotation, things like “you are a special person” are, and I get that it can sound dishonest, but I genuinely believe everyone is special and that some people will receive that message in the way that I intend it. There are also messages like “may you be happy” or “thank you for being here” and perhaps you would agree that these can genuinely be addressed to strangers. I’m certainly grateful for anyone who visits my GitHub repos, or who takes a look at this project and gives me feedback, so thank you. :)
Many years ago, I did volunteer work in a homeless shelter. One day, I ended up babysitting a homeless woman's son while she went for a medical appointment because the minister's wife that had casually and completely insincerely told her "Call me anytime if you need anything!" had told her "Not my problem" when she tried to take her up on that offer.
Nice-sounding but random words don't make for kindness. Thoughtful handling of things makes for kindness.
I wish it were easier than that. I just haven't found that it is.
Hey DoreenMichele, thank you for sharing your story, helping that woman was indeed a very kind act in my book. However, I do believe there are other ways to express kindness as well, even if they are not as effortful or if the results aren't immediately apparent.
Ah, this sort of naivety and kindness reminds me of my "everybody say cheese" [1] project ^^.
Do you still have free stickers? I'd gladly pay for postage to the UK, where I live and where we could desperately use some smiley cheer.
Off-topic, but you make ladle-wearing look great. Do you ever wear a colander? (I ask this as a Pastafarian.)
Yes I still have some :). Please email me your address at esc [@] uzy.me. No need to pay, I can post them anywhere in the world I bought a lot of all kind of stamps at the same time I ordered the stickers a few years back ^^.
I will post them whenever I can which may be in January as I'm not spending my lockdown time at my own place where the stickers are.
For your off-topic question: I've been seen wearing a colander from time to time, but I don't have pictures of it. I'm not a Pastafarian however, as I do not especially like religions of any kind :D.
That's awesome! I'm going to reach out about getting my hands on some of those stickers if the offer is open. ;)
The offer is still open, do not hesitate to send me your address (wherever in the world!) by email as explained on the web page :).
Sent!
Doesn't automated text defeat the purpose of most of those kind words? If someone who knows you tell you you're worthy it's nice because you think they mean it. They've got to know you and came to that conclusion. If a bot says that, it's completely empty.
I'm sorry if the words sound empty to you. All I can say is when I place this badge in a GitHub repo's README or in my email signature, it's my way to wish well on the people who come in contact with that repo, or with my email, and it is sincere. The messages vary but they all support that same intention.
At times I've stumbled on graffiti in the street that were random messages of kindness from complete strangers, and they brightened my day. So I don't think it needs to come from someone who knows you to mean something.
On the topic of kind speech, "I'm sorry you feel this way" is a prime example of a non-apology apology.
I agree that’s not always a wise thing to say. I disagree with the implication that it’s what I’m doing. I don’t believe @aflag was requesting an apology or that I’ve done something that would require one here. Context matters, sometimes “I’m sorry” expresses compassion rather than remorse.
I wasn't really. Just trying to give useful feedback. I'm probably not alone in finding these tacky/empty. As you point out yourself, we are already bombarded by ads with unsincere words. This feels like just adding to the mix, though kind words are, arguably, better than what we see in ads.
Anyway, if the goal is to brighten someone's day, an innocent joke or a little pun may be much more effective. I feel like lighter words are better than emotionally loaded ones when interact with complete strangers.
I see your point, thanks for the feedback. :)
Have you thought about adding other types of phrase to the API, bound to different endpoints?
If the goal is to brighten people's days, a short joke or pun could do the trick. Or something like `fortune -s` (but fortune is usually multiline).
Personally, I like the kind speech idea. But a short joke might be more engaging in terms of cheering someone up, and avoids the authenticity issues.
Hey Tim! Thank you for your comment. I did talk about brightening people’s day as a possible benefit on this thread, however there is a deeper aspiration behind the project which informs the choice of content. My goal is to express (and make it easy for others to express) that we are all good enough as we are, or as Mr. Rogers put it, we’re special—-just because we’re us.
One thing I’ve realized based on yours and other people’s feedback is that this intention is not clear. In fact it’s not really explained on the Badges page. If the people using the badges understand and share this intention then I think it helps with the authenticity issue you mentioned. So that’s one action item for me.
I’ve also realized that some people don’t think it’s possible to communicate this message via an internet badge, and while I understand their skepticism I simply disagree.
So, to actually answer your question, I’m open to adding different types of phrases and endpoints, but I consider arbitrary jokes or puns to be out of the scope of this particular project at the moment, though I will keep the idea in mind. :-)
Thanks for the thoughtful response! Appreciate it.
I initially missed the distinction between affirming speech and speech designed to make the recipient feel good. Jokes can make people feel good, but don't affirm that they are enough, as they are.
The Manifesto page explains it well; the badges page doesn't have as much depth.
That's on me for not reading enough.
Hello HN, I've been working on these badges and other simple ways to spread kindness in my spare time. My main motivation is counterbalancing the large amount of covert unkind speech we are subjected to through advertising and various media. I hope you enjoy these and have a nice day. :)
What kind of covert unkind speech do you see in advertising and in media?
I’ve not seen that. The unkind speech I see is people in the comments sections on various websites mostly.
Their website somewhat defines it.
I feel it leans into advertising being about convincing one what one has is bad, not good enough or embarrasing, such that a product is bought. I think I agree that could be considered covert unkind speech in media and advertising. The barrage of things telling people they aren't good enough or preying on insecurities would have detremental effects. Personally, I enjoy the kind-spirited effort behind this, I'll be putting this in the header of my running notes .md file.
Yay, I'm glad you like it!
> The unkind speech I see is people in the comments sections on various websites mostly.
"Media" may include social media.
But yeah, there's definitely a global climate of people not really feeling spiffy in general, with few happy places left to escape to.
I agree, it's present in comment sections as well, and probably a lot of other places too unfortunately.
I think the best explanation I can offer for how advertising does it in my view is the manifesto I wrote for the website's homepage: https://kindspeech.org/
tldr: creating a desire or a need for people, which is what advertising usually attempt to do, implies that they are lacking in some way. That's not a good feeling. And it's often simply false or vastly exaggerated. Imo, making people feel bad in order to sell is unkind.
Is this available on GitHub?
Yes, in part, the API is but not the underlying data (at this time): https://github.com/kindspeech/api
Like some people shared badges are cool, but if I think a quote will be even better or even a link to something else. Empty kind words...kinda sucks.
I assure you they are not empty words. I mean them, and I suspect those who choose to use the badges do too.
i like this - it still shows someone cares. It feels genuine to me. At least it makes your day a little bit more pleasant
Thanks Jay! I strongly suspected some people would find the gesture meaningful but it’s nice to get confirmation on here. :-)
I love this. Thanks you!
You’re most welcome! Thank you for your comment, it made my day. :)
I would be wary about this, as the nice badges can change to ads or inappropriate content anytime in the future. But the idea is nice, self-hosting this would be safe solution.
Yeah that's completely fair. I've been thinking about making the database available for download, so that could help anyone who wants to use the messages. The backend code is already open source: https://github.com/kindspeech/api
Your intentions may be sincere but these kinds of gestures feel.. ehh. like a futile move of desperation, a flimsy bandage over a gaping wound, hugging yourself in a dark storm, rocking back and forth whispering mantras even you can't really believe in..
If you're feeling like shit about your situation seeing something like "You got this!" can be annoying at best and may make you feel worse.
At best this is an attempt forget the disease instead of treating it.
The effective counterbalance is to cultivate kindness at core levels of society, in how parents treat their children and how children treat each other, and to stop rewarding unkindness (it's too easy in too many cultures to gain popularity by being a bitter asshole and expounding negativity), and most importantly, address the issues that make people bitter instead of telling them who to hate.
Hey Razengan! I agree a message like "You got this!" may not always be well received, especially by people suffering from a deep depression. Most of them are more neutral, or at least they seem so to me, like "May you be happy" for example.
For people who are not feeling particularly depressed in the moment where they see one of these badges, I believe it could have an uplifting, positive effect. A small one, probably, but that's good enough for me.
Ultimately, I can't control how people react to these, but I am careful about curating the messages and I do intend for them to express genuine kindness.
I also agree that this is not a cure-all. No such claim was made, in fact. I do think we could use more kindness at core levels of society, as you say.