We Rewrote Everything in Rust, and Our Startup Still Failed
docs.google.com"Had we had more funding, we would have taken the time to rewrite our app in Haskell instead."
Salty...
I can't believe they didn't use Kubernetes for deployment. What a bunch of amateurs - no wonder their product failed.
They say that their product failed and they didn't even use Julia? They really had no idea what they were doing.
Great satire. But I have seen teams of incredible engineers doing amazing things perfectly and still go out of business because its not how amazing your engineering is, it's how amazing your product or service is to people who are willing to pay (or someone is willing to pay you).
"People don't want drills, they want holes" - Guy that started a drill company who's name I forget
A businessman sells you the hole, marketing sells you the drill.
Can't tell if you're joking, but I think this is backwards?
I don't think it's backwards, though the term businessman might be swapped for something better.
I'm 99% sure the whole drill bit vs. holes analogy was created by a marketer. I could very well be wrong, but I've read it in countless marketing and copywriting books.
It's basically selling the benefit instead of the feature, which is what any half-decent marketer brings to the table. That's basically my simple idea of at least half of what I do as a marketer.
I'm curious though, and I don't mean this in a confrontational way at all. Why do you think marketers sell the bit vs the hole?
Classic case of a Chad Node app pulling in millions of dollars vs the virgin Microservices based Go platform who can barely get any traction.
> We pushed back the launch for two months to tweak our build system to perfection
That line got me
Publishing this on Google Docs is so passe, clearly should be on Substack or Ghost
It'd be way more popular is it was self hosted on Netlify using a static site generator
Haven't you heard? The pendulum is swinging back, and Wordpress is all the rage again.
I realize this is a joke, but regardless these days you basically need to spend ~25% of each year rewriting your app just to stay in security compliance.
If that's true, you should think about your architecture. It shouldn't require that level of effort.
It's less an issue of our code, and more an issue of third-party APIs from our partners getting deprecated. And Angularjs, where upgrading to angular or rewriting in react doesn't really do anything for end users, but if we want to keep showing up in search results then the writing is on the wall.
>Had we had more funding, we would have taken the time to rewrite our app in Haskell instead.
So close yet so far. Given the funding you need to rewrite your app in BOTH Haskell and Rust. Then depending on which one is in favor at launch time you go with that and never mention the other one. Then you look like a prophetic genius company no matter which way the market turns.
Product idea: A program that makes your web app masquerade as any language that you choose! It rewrites and hides your .php extensions, and replaces error pages to make them look appropriate for the chosen technology stack. All the actual js is obfuscated & compiled to WASM to hide the shameful use of jquery/react/angular/vue/whatever is no longer the 'in' tool. You can switch technologies with the push of a button!
A "tech stack spoofer", that would be cool and it can have applications beyond that like for security by obscurity.
"Due to heavy traffic in this file, we are loading a read-only version"
Does that mean it was shared read-write?
This is the best part: "We rewrote our microservices from Node to Go to C++ and then back to Node."
including the next sentence "On every step, we saw 20% performance improvements."
> The team brainstormed ideas for what we would like to build, and set to work.
This deserves its own chapter.
If we take this satire more seriously then it's meant, which was the biggest mistake?
Lack of market research right? They should at the very least have done it post launch. Maybe more pre launch too?
I think many of the other ones might have been survivable?
satire is missing from the title.
I mean if you need a satire tag to realize this is satire, I don't know what to say.
It was real to me until the last paragraph. Everything else read real in the style of a repentant founder.
I'm just saying, it took me until halfway down page two to realize it.
That's nothing, I still don't know it's satire.
Everyone knows that successful startups uses only Java or PHP
If only it were satire...
Pretty sure it's 100% satire, but that doesn't mean it's not the story of 80% of startups.
It turns out that the startup was a hemp farm. The founders never communicated the vision with the developers and just let them run loose to see what they'd do.
I get that this is satire, but leave Rust out of it. Rust is blameless when it comes to bad business ideas and execution.
You shouldn't be scaring people away from a language that offers so much. Rust is not hard like all the dumb memes make it out to be. For startups where performance is vital (media, streaming), I'd argue it'll be indispensable [1].
The Rust bullying harms our community. We don't have the corporate backing of Go. Pick on something from Google or Apple instead.
[1] I wrote my media-intensive webapp, https://vo.codes, in Rust and I'm quite productive.
Relax. Everyone gets that this isn't about Rust, and that it's about focusing on technology for its own sake.
It's just a popular target, as in "Rust Evangelism Strikeforce". Typically, it's a good sign when people start poking fun.
Oh, also, I liked this: https://imgur.com/noUdCET
Everything about this screams satire, except it just doesn't have the typical humour element (to me at least), so I'm not even sure now.
One way to know: it lacks any real specifics like company name, any hint of what the product is, investment details, etc.
mirror at https://outline.com/yr7ZBS
Brilliant write up! Made me laugh a lot, especially the end with Haskell :)
Link goes to a google docs login page. No wonder they failed^^
'...Our incredible journey...'
I hope they were thinking of https://ourincrediblejourney.tumblr.com/ when they wrote this!
Should of rewrote in Clojure.