Outsourced copywriting at its finest

This is what happens when you use colloquialisms and are otherwise vague when providing a brief to copywriters who don't primarily speak English. In other words - be specific, avoid slang, and don't leave any room for strange interpretation.

I imagine the brief for this went something like this: "Here are a bunch of keywords to write about... tell us about how it works, what makes it tick etc" and the rest is history.